HauteBlogXOXO

Don’t you get tired of suckin’ in all the times?!  Sometimes you just want to be comfy & cozy and let your tummy fat breath, free of the confines of a girdle without reverting back to the days of Moo-Moos and Run Over House Shoes (sweet tasty lamb of God don’t let it happen!). 

You don’t always have to be swaddled in couture, teetering on stillettos that make your toes scream to God for mercy and vindication.  Instead take a note from the ‘Licia Keys book of style.  When wearing casual or athletic wear,  you can easily spruce up your ensemble with a few strategically placed accessories such as big decorative earrings and delicate chains & bracelets.  Even a scarf in a complementing color, draped gingerly about the neck or worn as a headwrap like ’Licia here,  can make you pop even in extreme comfort.   Put away the ‘Do Me, Nose-Bleed Pumps’ every now ’n’ then and chillax with your kool still in tact.

-Z’maji, “You should still be willing to kill your feet for fashion….just give em’ a break somtimes”

GET COMFY LIKE ‘LICIA:

Comfy velour from Victoria Secret

MATSUDA Jacquard scarf (YOOX.com)

Jimmy Choo ‘Jerry’ Shades

 Gold Hoop Earrings (Forever 21)

Flower Charm Chain (Forever 21)

Rosary Necklace (Forever 21)

Speeder Metallic Puma’s

 Silk Jersey Aztec Printed Scarf by Diane Von Furstenberg (matchesfashion.com)

Oversize Tortoiseshells by  Diane Von Furstenberg (matchesfashion.com) 

 Vintage Owl/Heart Pendant (Forever 21)

Paige Double Cross Ballerina Flat (Dune.co.uk)

So fresh, so clean, still on the payroll.  Milo Ventimiglia is representing for the dark mysterious ones at the NBC/Universal event promoting the upcoming season for Heroes, which I’m obsessively pining for like the Sex & The City movie.  That’s a good look even if he does look like he’ll kill you if you try to leave him…….beware Hayden Panettierre…….Oooo, that rhymes!

-Z’maji, “C’mon dude, Smile!”

The Costume Institue’s annual Benefit Gala is an auspicious ocassion that celebrates the beauty and majesty of designers on the forefront of fashion……………..in other words it’s an opportunity for stars to get together and worship Anna Wintour in the hopes that she won’t eat their 1st born.  The highlight of course is the red carpet seeing that this is the most prestigious night in fashion.  Therefore fashnophiles,  it is my pleasure to praise those with a great stylist and RIP NEW BODY CAVITIES for those void of brain activity, that would dare to show up in trash!  Let us proceed:

Sweet Lil Camilla Belle in aquamarine Armani Prive…..Oh, pinch her cheeks and slap her toosh and hump her leg.

Thandie Newton in Chanel, lookin’ like she’ll slash your tires and steal your man, steal me Thandie baby!

Naomi Watts homage to screen sirens in Thierry Mugler……..awkwaaarrdd!

Katem’s in Armani, AGAIN! I actually like it, Scientology do a body good.

Christina Ricci in haute couture from Givenchy by Ricardo Tisci with that emaciated look that’s so hot right now.

My Jenny from the Corner rockin’ that post baby body in Alberta Ferretti.  Don’t be fooled by the rocks that she’s got, these 50 carat earrings and carat cuffs from Loraine Swartz cost more than your govenment housing…..

Rock princess Liv Tyler in Calvin Klein…..now that’s publicity you can’t pay for Calvin.

Gown by Calvin Klein, Sergio Rossi heels, David Webb jewels, Eva Mendes….flawless and jiggly fine.

American Sweethearts George and Julia in Armani accompanied by the crispy namesake himself.

I have no idea what Johnny is wearing, but that boy is casket-sharp and ready to meet Jesus

Speaking of biblical figures,  Kate Bosworth(in Chanel Couture/Pierre Hardy shoes) and Karl Lagerfeld channel The Harlot of Babylon and Satan, Prince of Darkness

Blake Lively is soooo uptown in Ralph Lauren and Harry Winston jewels.  She looks mah’valous……..God forbid that I might actually have to start watching Gossip Girl!

Manhattan princess Ivanka Trump in J. Mendel and I still can’t believe that something that looks like The Donald leaked out something this HOT!

David and Stick-Figure Spice looking so D’Lushus in Armani, of course, but even if they showed up in fish-fillet McSandwhich wrappers they’d still look HOT & ZEXY!

Sarah Michelle looking bored in Calvin Klein, “Can Me Has A Vampire To Slay Now?”

My S&TC sweetie Kristin Davis doin Michael Kors justice.  See ya on May 30th mama, then we shall ‘has’ the sex!

Don’t know who Venus is wearing, but I DO know she looks gooder than a McRib with extra grease

WAMP! Don’t Care!

Janet, Miss Jackson if ya nasty in a white plunging crossback from Atelier Versace

Zac Posen ‘doin da fool’ in what I’m sure is his own design.  At least he knows how to accessorize, Nothings cuter than a hot chick on your arm draped in couture.

Donatella Versace and her spawn, draped in faberlouz couture, dazed-confused-and hungrier than 3rd world orphans.

Michelle Trachtenberg’s vintage was kind of a good idea not really…….understand? Me neither.

I love Fergs in this Calvin Klein but her face would frighten the arizen dead

Joy Bryant’s plea for attention……

Mrs. Tony Parker lookin’ yummy in Marchesa.  Married Relations do wonders for the complextion……..and the bank account.

Giselle and Tommy in Versace…..all’s right in the world.

Beyonce’s ba-dunk-a-doo draped in Armani………Oh another chick in Armani, WoW, isn’t that different, cuz nobody else is wearing Armani….

What in malnourished, 3rd world hunger, Lord of the Rings hobbit face-ded, cracked out child star hail is goin’ on with the Trolsens desecrating Diane von Furstenberg gowns.  Diane’s gonna be pissed in the morning….

A former child star sans extra curricular drugs.  Hilary in Elie Saab and emerald/diamond jewels from Lorraine Schwartz

Santogold - L.E.S. Artistes

I’m not really sure what this video is about but I love crazy and kooky fooleries.  However, after watching the clip,  I’m contemplating reporting her to the proper authorities…..homicide is not fashionable!

 - Z’maji, “Keep her away from the horsies!”

That old saying really does ring true………The Japanese Are Crazier Than A Soup Sang’which!  If you enjoy the taste of fetus and baby poo, Q-Bit, has made a line of products just for you.  Drinks, pills, jellies and face masks all with purified placenta for your pleasant consumption.  How exciting the opportunity to smear fetal excrement’s on your face.  I know that when you think of having a refreshin’ drink on a warm afternoon the 1st thing that comes to your mind is iced tea with a twist of placenta,  Yummiez,  love them dead babies.

Z’maji, “It’s really pig placenta, disgusting, but not human……………but still the work of Satan” 

Look at Agyness rockin’ those pristine white Balenicaga gladiator heels for UK Vogue.  They didn’t use her in an editorial this time but does it really matter?!  Look at that cover!  She’s still m’favorite and slicker than your average.  Do it Mamma…………and close your legs, what will Mum think?

Through the years, I have been known to call Gwyneth Paltrow everthing under the sun from ‘malanin deficient bean pole’ to ’bulemic boy chested trollop’ to ‘talentless slope headed bonebag’………but I digress.  I’ve also been known to be hasty in forming my opinion of people in the past but sweet magnificent Jesus is working on me.  Whatever the case I must admit my new found fascination with Gwyny P.  Since she’s put herself back on the scene she’s been really living up to her “fashion icon” title.  Just in the past few weeks she’s been promoting her return to the screen in Iron Man and BOY has she been workin’ it out, looking like she’s never had a screaming human larva come tearing out of her lower half, child birth ain’t nothin nice.  Gwyny, I TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID AND SWEAR MY TOTAL DEVOTION TO YOU AND THOSE LEGS, MYYYYY GAWWWWDDD!  That’s what an Oscar winner looks like! 

 - Z’maji, “Hot Legs………..the best accessory known to man!”

Yes Ma’am……not even KFC has leg that good! 

 Jen: Oh My GOD John,  for the last time size doesn’t matter                                 

 John: I just wanna know, It’s a simple question……was Brad bigger than me?

Jen: No, ALRIGHT, NO…….you are the king, the greatest, no other man can compare okay! Are you happy now!?  Sheesh, can I finish tanning now?         

John: That’s all I wanted to hear……

[picture source]

You heard of Bennifer and Brangelina,  Beyonjay and Sted’Prah……….well it’s my pleasure to present to you Johnnifer!  Please hold your gagging and projectile vomit till the end of the post.  Now I’m not one to give a yank about celeb gossip,  but this is sooooo hot to see them together…..they’re just sexy McGoodness.  Also John Mayer is one of the most amazing musicians in entertainment…………I wonder if he’s fornicating her yet?  Oh GAWD,  let there be an unauthorized DVD, Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian were such disappointments……………….and there sex tapes were bad too! (rimshot)\

 - Z’maji, “NEXT?!……………Nick’ariah!”

I know that this is sooooo overexposed right now, but this whole thing with Miley Cyrus in Vanity Fair and her exposed back sections is silly.  I mean I understand there being SOME concern,  but people are starting to question if Billy Ray Cyrus is a good father.  Speaking of Disney Channel virgins acting inappropriately in front of flash photography,  this isn’t even as bad as when Vanessa Hudgens exposed her unkempt bush to the nations with those pictures that were “accidently” leaked to the ‘innanetz’.  That was totally a publicity stunt and a desperate plea for a Brazilian wax.  Miley however just made a questionable decision.  I mean this is 2008, there’s all kinds of perverts and lurkin’ 40 year old virgins to be allowing your daughter to whore expose herself to the media.  As for me, sweet lemon merengue flavored Jesus knows that “Achey Breaky Heart” would be a number one hit again before I would let my own daughter expose even her elbow.

 - Z’maji, “What we really need to be discussing is the ribs poking out her back!”

37 days til Carrie styles on them hoes in her 08 Monolos…..

888 hours til Samantha whores her way back into our hearts……

53,280 minutes til Miranda has another vajtastic voyage with Steve and bedraggles us with sarcasm…

3,196,800 seconds til Charlotte screws up her black market asian baby with good ole American parenting…….

………Soon we’ll be havin’ Sex!

Fooleries Past and Present

 What in the Scarlett O’Hara green drapery hail is goin on with this dress.  Fringe ain’t cute nor is it lawful in 49 states,  KILL HER JESUS - PLEASE KILL HER!  It is unacceptable to tear up your Granny’s curtains and wear them out in front of innocent, unsuspecting people………….

UNLESS, you’re a southern belle in Civil War America and your home has just been demolished by the Yankee army leaving you nothing but your dead mothers drapes with which you have your mammy design you a couture gown so that you can go into Atlanta to visit Rhett Butler and get cash funds to pay the taxes on TARA!  That is the only excuse, therefore madam, you are in violation and in need of a kick to the throat.  Leighton whats her face from Gossip Girl wore this to, of all places, the Metropolitan Opera House <GASP>.  She’s a lovely girl but who in hell left the gate open?  The bust line doesn’t even fit her iddy biddies, the waist line is bulky with the bottom of somebody’s Grandmama’s curtains & the fabric looks soooo cheap.  I guess she’s been to busy gossipin’ to notice that her gay best friend stylist is setting her up for failure.

-Z’maji, “….something nice?! Um, ok………..she don’t look as stank as I would have expected?”

This mugshot of Vanilla Ice in 2001after being arrested for domestic abuse for snatching a plug of hair from his wife’s head makes him look like………

A) a cowardly HAS BEEN meth faced wife beater.

B) he stole a lace front from Beyonce’s wig crypt.  

C) a 911 case for the tanning salon. 

D) a good reason to have a makeup artist on hand when taking mugshotz.

Mugshot from recent domestic abuse altercation…….he ain’t learned:

Auf Wiedersehen boo!

In the words of my fellow blogger and my armed robbery co conspirator, Slaus of OHN blog says: FAIL NINA, FAIL!!!

Poor Nina has gotten the boot in this recent dabacle over where Project Runway will make it’s home.  It’s this whole back and forth thing between Bravo TV and Lifetime, but I just have to say that the idea of watching Project Runway on Lifetime is as appealing as sharing needles with Paris Hilton……just sooo unsavorys’. 

-Z’maji, “Well at least you still got a job, Ms Editor In Chief…….yawl hirin’ ?”

It’s hard to believe that the fashion forward bombshell that is Gwen Steffani, used to be the Ska princess that wore dickies, red dollar store lipstick & pink ‘Gem’ like hair.  Now she’s a savvy ‘bidniss’ woman, mother and definitive music artist……..killin’ yawl girlz with product.  Watch out Marie Osmond, Mrs. Gavin Rossdale is comin’ for the doll industry next.  Check out Gwen’s line of dolls inspired by her music videos and her “Harajuku Lovers” fragrance figurines.  So cute and sure to be expensive.  Hope you gots’ a job or a wealthy husband or some food stamps!

-Z’maji, “I wonder where Gwen hid the bodies of her bandmates from No Doubt…..”

Platic Shock vs Juicy Jigglums

Why do the makers of the S&TC movie keep doling out information to us like common crack dealers.  It’s like they give you a little taste for free, just so you can come back later but then you’ll have to turn tricks for some more cuz you’ve already spent all your money, lost your job and sold your child to support your addiction……….so I’ve heard.  Anyway, Big Sexy and Fergs both will be featured on the soundtrack for the S&TC.  Fergs will sing, ‘Labels & Love’, which is the opening number and Big Zexy J. Hud will sang and I mean SANG! the Cee-Lo produced ballad, ‘All Dressed Up In Love’.  Only 44 days until we get some good ole’ SEX……….& The City!           [source]         

Z’maji, “44 days, 6 hours, 25 minutes & 23 seconds…..and counting, c’mon Carrie!”

I don’t know what the cover says but my sweet Katey Moss graces the cover of the April issue of Vogue Paris and her boychest never looked more wonderful than now,  love that hungry, malnurished look.  Y’know, after the whole thing of being caught cuttin’ that illegal white,  her career and her shoots have been off the meter.  Crack is supposed to be whack, but…….I don’t know, it’s doin major thangs for Katey.  Have you noticed that the models are taking back the fashion magz, THANK SWEET & TANGY MOO-GOO-GAI-PAN JESUS!!!  Now hopefully we won’t continue to be subjected to Chloe Sevignumz’ and Cory Kennedy hoarding the newstands.  *Lifts Champagne glass*  Here’s to the models killin’ the 15 minute fame girl and burning the remains…..

-Z’maji, “I got the gasoline, who has the matches?!”

Hear ye, Hear ye, get yourself down to the local high-end department store and hold em’ hostage for a straw bag…………or just get a job and buy one, it you go for that sort of employment thing.  Mena Suvari(WHO?!) was caught on somebodies red carpet with a faberluss oversized Valentino Nuage straw bag, which I’m sure she had to return at the end of the night…….friggin’ D*listers.  How cruel to subject that poor bag to be on the arm of what’s her name.  Oh well,  hopefully some of you girls and I’m sure a few of you guys will go out and give some beauteous accessory a nice home.  Time to max out that credit card or get some jackass to max out his……..whichever one makes you sleep easier at night.

-Z’maji, “All you need now is a grass skirt and a coconut bra”

Get Some Fiber In Your Wardrobe:

Valentino Nuage straw woven armbag

Bleecker Straw Clutch by Coach

Francesco Biasia-Glenda Tote in White Straw & Croc Stamp 

Michael Kors Large Santorini Straw Shopper 

Private - We’ve Got Some Breaking Up To Do

Private, is an electro-pop band that is my new obsession.  Not in a creepy stalker kinda way but in a creepy ‘I’m waiting outside the window with a hatchet so I can kill you cuz I love you so much’ kinda way………..that’s not bad, right?

They remind me of late 80’s/early 90’s Pop-R&B.  Think ’System - Don’t Disturb This Groove’.  So very goodt’ to me. 

-Z’maji, “Oh how I miss the 90’s”

Oooo, look at Burlesque vixen Dita Von Teese’s ad for PETA, don’t you want to bite her cleavage situations. Tee Hee, fur haters are so sexually frustrated. It amazed me when I found out that they were actually runnin’ around dousing fur wearers with red paint. I think fur is gawdy and unnescessary, but if I’m rockin’ a fur jacket and some loser with a bucket of red paint does a run-bye on me you betta believe that there will be no more posts from Z’maji cuz me and my delicate skin is goin to prison(LAWD they’d pass me around like cigarettes), ain’t nobody bout to mess up my dead carcass. I don’t care if the Chinchilla’s decomposed skull is still visibly attatched, you better keep it movin’ cuz I’ll let you live but I will not be leaving you the use of your limbs. I love animals too but I loathe the very existence of PETA. It’s your right to wear fur, but it should be done in extreme moderation. Now if you’re stylin’ the full length fur coats, the 80’s LAPD called and you’re under arrest for theiving it from 2 decades ago *squints*.

-Z’maji, “PETA……you’ll be recieving a ticking envelope from me in about 2 days….open immediately”

Check out the PETA protesters getting jacked up at the Cavalli show:

Oooo sweet Cosmopolitan with a lemon twist flavored Jesus,  this is sooooo wrong.  This is wronger(not a real word) than Aretha Franklin in thong underwear and fishnets.  Fashion Icon and “Worlds Most Un-Sexy Woman” Sarah Jessica Parker, has been immortalized in cheap plastic as a blow up doll lovingly named, ‘Sarah Jessica Porkher’.  I don’t know what’s worse,  the fact that they made it or that the box says she has ‘3 fabulous love holes’………*squints & loads gun*.  Somebody’s surely gonna be gang raped in fashion hell for this one!

Z’maji, “I smell lawsuits and STD’s”

Kate Hudson in a scene from her upcoming film “Bride Wars” looks like…….

A) a cheap hooker hoe trollop, flagging down clientelle.

B) the 80’s had bulemia and purged itself all over her.

C) a disgrace to her momma. (love you Goldie)

D) the perfect candidate for electro-shock therapy.

 Macy’s - Gabriel Aubry, Mariah & Martha Stewart

 Top model and Halle Berry’s sperm donor/baby daddy, Gabriel Aubry, is in a high-frikkin-larious new ad for Macy’s.  He has recently become the new face for Calvin Klein and what a face…….if you like that sort of ruggedly handsome, golden boy look *bitter much?*.  Check out Martha Stewart checkin out his rump and MiMi gettin’ all flustered when ole boy comes strollin’ through the Macy’s lobby leaving a barrage of horny female sales reps quivering in his wake.  You aught not to make the womens fell all creamy like that you cruel, cruel man.  So he’s a successful model with legions of women that want to be his best “friend” and he’s bumpin’ uglies with Halle Berry?  You MUST have sold your soul to the Devil, nobody’s that lucky! 

-Z’maji, “Watch out Gabe, MiMi will eat your face & lay eggs in your dead carcass…….God I love her”

P.S. Check out Gabe with his baby Momma :

Tastier than a plate of interracial neck bones, yummiez

…….or maybe if I was deaf.  Holly Kiser, the newbie from Appalachia, beat out 13 other hopefuls for the crown of the Bravo TV sensation, ”Make Me A SuperModel”.  I think she is an amazing model and that she has such a promising future in fashion, but thank sweet nougaty centered Jesus Almighty that she’s not a publc speaker.  It’s like Forest Gump was reincarnated as a leggy brunnette, God forbid if she secures a speaking endorsement, that company would go belly up quicker than a hooker turnin’ 2 for 1 tricks in Vegas.  I must say that I’m not suprised about her win tho’.  Out of all of the models in this competition, she showed real potential and not just in an “I’ve got a pretty face and someone told me I should be a model, so I quit my job to do this but I really shouldn’t have cuz they just told me that to set me up for failure” way but REAL potential.  Her photos were heavenly but her runway was simply a dream and I mean that in the most pretentious way possible.  I just hope that “Elite Model Management”, the agency with whom she’s won a contract,  actually gets her work & puts her out there and that she’s not screwed like a well to do suburban white girl on holiday in Bermuda……mm-hmm. 

-Z’maji, “I’ll see ya in the unemployment line Boo!”

 Easy, Breezy, Beautiful, Good-Time Gals

*DISCLAIMER*  I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST TEEN MOTHERS, WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES.  ALSO I HAVE “THAT” SENSE OF HUMOR, SO LAUGH ABOUT IT AND MOVE ON…..DO.NOT.WRITE. ME EMAILS ABOUT HOW CRUEL I AM TO TALK ABOUT YOUR DAUGHTERS LIMBER PORNOGRAPHIC SEXCAPADES ON SPRING BREAK IN CANCUN THAT MADE YOU A GRANNY BEFORE YOU EVEN HAD YOUR 1ST BOTOX UNFORTUNATE SITUATION.

In this corner weighing (even I’m not gonna play about a chicks weight) pounds, in the “My sister flashed her cout’er to the paparrazzi and all she got was this shirt” with the growing baby bump, Jamie Lynn Spears AND in this corner, weighing (I already told you I’m not goin there) pounds soaking wet, in her mommas bedsheets and her sisters run over shoes, Solange Piaget Knowles-Smith…….whew! that name?! 

Alright blood thirsty fashionophiles, it’s time for our favorite past-time where we pit young “starlets”, official douchebags & style superheroes against each other in a carnage fest called HauteBlogBattleArena, MU-HA-HA-HAAAAA!  Today it’s our favorite little sisters Solange and Jamie Lynn. They’ll battle it out in a weave pulling, eye-scratchin’, white knuckle battle to the death for the title of ”Hautest Teen Baby Momma”.  After getting in a “family way” from playing big girl & bumpin” uglies with high school boy toys, who is the Queen of the teen yummy mummys.  Ladies, Gentlemen & Undecided, I present the evidence…….

Lookin’ like poster children for siesta with big sis……time for a sedative and some napage

Ballyhoo and Fooleries on the red carpet

Givin’ you glamour & pose for them girls reppin’ that underage prenatal care

-Z’maji, “Who’s takes the crown and the grand prize of a screamin’, breast feedin’ parasite?”

It looks like a gaggle of mangy crows and a bedazzled herd of trannies died to make this dress………..and then her majesty picked a few pink roses and decided to bootleg a handbag, do it Miss Monaco giiiirrrl.  The Princess Caroline of Hanover stumbled her way into the Monte Carlo Rose Ball 08′ all smiles and giggles, totally unaware that her gay best friend stylist had set her up for failure.  Ladies, if you’re an older sophisticated woman,  it is unsavoury to show up to a gala flashin’ flat, liver spotted, old skool tiddy, I mean her own kin wouldn’t even pull her to the side and help her out, that’s cold.  What is really gettin’ me is that she really seems oblivious to the fact that her bizniss is showin’.  I guess that open champagne bar started gettin real good to her and she said to herself, “I’m the princess of Monaco,  I wish ya’ll would say somethin’ bout my vintage tiddys”.  Of course she would have been the worst dressed there buuuuutt, 

^^Karl Lagerfeld (love him in spite of himself *the genius behind Chanel*) showed up lookin’ like ‘Beelzebub, Oh Mighty Prince Of Darkness’ and well……..well, Jesus wept.

Awwww, Whyte Jesus is weeping for her majesty……he truly loves us all.

Her Daughter however could get it and thrice on Sun’dy………

-Z’maji, “There’s a Gay in the kingdom that will be beheaded at noon tomorrow - SLAY HER NOW!!!”

Tyra Banks and her Mc’Cleavage at the ANTM awards is lookin…….

A) like a thick & rich scrumpziourz bottle of Mrs. Buttazwurf 

B) the Kool-Aid pitcher mascot went “high-fashion”

C) a sick-chemo-therapeutic mess

D) heavy and stretch mark laden yet still……scrumpziourz

[pic swipped from Perez Hilton, it was too perfect to not steal]

Dear Mrs. Holmes-Cruise,

    In light of the information that you will be “designing” your own death shrouds clothing line for Armani, this is your official warning.  If you DARE to make a bunch of pretentious crap with pricetags that can only be paid for with prostitution…. NOTHING, NOT EVEN XENU & ALL THE OTHER SCIENTOLOGY EXTRATERRESTRIALS  WILL BE ABLE TO SAVE YOU FROM THE WRATH TO COME THAT IS Z’MAJI, play with me if you want heffa!  Now aside from my promise to DESTROY your life if you screw with the fashion consumers,  I actually am really becoming fond of you and your newfound sense of style.  I think that since you’ve gotten with Tommy, your look has totally improved but that is one of the perks of bein Mrs. Cruise…..that and your career flops……..oh and after you bare his seed your womb is decimated to shreds of flesh, never to produce life again…

                                                                                                      - In the love of white Jesus, Z’maji

-Z’maji, “I really will hurt you sweetie, don’t play”

Donatella Versace @ TODAY Show

 For all of those comtemplating letting some butcher plastic surgeon hack up your mug, I present exhibit A.  SKELETOR LIVES!!!

-Z’maji, “DO.NOT.WANT.”

That boy’ clean!  He looks good and ready for a face-2-face to chew the fat with Jesus.  It’s like a mix between ‘Ethan Hawke in Gattaca’ and the Million Dollar man sprinkled with scientology chic for his feature in the quarterly men’s fashion bible magazine, V-Man.  My one problem with this shoot is that he’s wearing my shoes, those D&G white leather tennis shoes……such a good reason to commit armed robbery, be afraid *squints*.  As much as people try to make Ashton just another ‘perty’ face, he’s actually a talented actor and a savy business man what with his ventures into film and t.v. production………..of course doing ”Punk’d” didn’t help that image in any way but he’s growing - baby steps, baby steps.

-Z’maji, “  Um Demi, uuuuuh, I don’t know if it’s a good idea to let children wear all white” *crickets*

[perused at http://www.dlisted.com/ ]

 URGENT  NOTICE: LEATHER SUITS IS ‘DA FOOL’  DO.NOT.WEAR. EFFECTIVE FOREVER & EVER AMEN!!! 

Chrisi, Chrisi, Chrisi. 

I don’t even care about PETA.  I mean they can go suck it right along with all the other people that would take out a family of six in a mini-van to save a stray mutt on the freeway,  but you must be sniffin’ high grade latex paint to wear AAAAAALLLLL that dead cow…….ANYWHERE!  You look like you skinned poor Elsie with your own finely manicured hands cuz you’re seriously channelin’ vampire bloodsucker,   IT GOT YOU LOOKIN’ SO CRAZY RIGHT NOW. 

You betta be glad I love me some you, I mean I would take out that family of six on the freeway to save you but I can’t go for these kinda of foolish dealins’.  Therefore, becuz you so phoine,  I will officially ‘let you make it’……..but don’t wear that no mo……NO MO!

-Z’maji, “Call me when you bury what’s left of that cow….”

* perused at http://tnhott.blogspot.com/ *