Aren’t these the cutest most mortifying little trinkets that ever slipped out of the abysmal hole of hell. When you look at them, itz almost like you can feel your soul bein sucked out through your crap shoot, kinda tickles doesn’t it *giggletz*. In celebration of kick starting the Apocalypse his magnificent new line of apparel, being released exclusively viacollete, Karl Lagerfeld(Oh Mighty Prince of Darkness), along with Tokidoki have released a mini collectable of Karlz own likeness, sounds like some’o'dat devil worshipin to me! Itz almost hard to tell them apart what with the skinny black suit, the slicked back coif of white hair, the dark shades that hide the dead lifeless eyes, burning with a tyrannical rage bent on the utter destruction of man-kind and existence as we know it……..yaaahs, a perfect likeness. Peeer-fict!
Yeeeeee-Dawwwgggy! Well slap my cakez and stirrup my heffah hoez, who knew that country folks wore anything but Yee Haw jean overalls and the crisp, raunchy fragrance of horse droppinz? Wretched! Well I didn’t know…….really I didn’t. Honestly, the most amazin thing is that everybody had all their teef and no one was chewin on a piece of straw. Of course, that’s false advertisin. I mean, I don’t even think there was anybody there that could say that their girlfriend was also their sister, what kinda knock off hoe down is that? I just love that glittery backwoods chic of the CMA’s in all it’s bold, blonde, wide toothed bustiness and itz sparkling cloud of toxic hairspray. I say a health lung tissue is a small sacrifice to make for Country music’s biggest night! Mmm, smells like cow chips!
*takes a puff from oxygen tank*
This is Rebe McEntire………and this is her fine middle age’d body draped in a low cut sequined gown, jealous much?
Kellie Pickler lookin real right in a copper lame onesie, not sure about that hair, Do Ovah Pleeze!
Best Dressed of the night, Sugarland! Tailored suit and Tier-Trained gown game propah! Jennifer…..how YOOOU doah?
The Power House Underwood in all her pageantee glory! Miss Nashville better watch her spray tan’d bikini stubble!
Kanye victim Taylor Swift in a chiffon sequined prom dress.
Country’s hottest couple, The McGraws, lookin real sexy for Jesus
LeAnn decked in all white AND a white gown *rimshot*. Get it? NO?…….Get OUT!
Nicole and Keith and her bosom, all choked up – screaming for air and retribution
Uh Oh, Man-Diva Ovahness Alert! Someones lookin Fabuluuusssss Danny Gokeeeeyyy
Chuck Wicks givin you face in a casket sharp, two piece. Somebody put a mirror under his nose to see if he’s still breathin…….
What was……………….I mean……………………..I don’t……………………why was…………………………….who in the…………..
This is your brain on Gaga!
I don’t even know what to tell you’se reprobates about Lady Gaga’s new video becuz after I watched it I slammed my head against my computer screen in excitement and rolled around on the floor praisin Gaude for fashions and thangs. I thought I was havin a stroke cuz I couldn’t feel the right side of my face but then I realized it was b’cuz I was droolin onto my keyboard in a haze of GlitterLust…………maybe it was contact high from the narcotic binge that obviously created this ugly fabulussness? All I know is Gaga owe me a new keyboard and $750 to replace my flat screen monitor(I don’t have a flat screen monitor). Honestly, I haven’t formed a cohesive line of thoughts in days……. I’m so afraid, hold me…………but wait, ummm, I’m gonna need you to keep your hands on the outside of my clothes please?
After you’re done drooling on my blog and leave a substantial check to pay for the water damage you’ve caused maybe you’ll be able to read my post! *scowl of southern gentlemanly disapproval*
The cover of this Decembers W magazine has some how taken us for dribbling, diaper wearin idiots b’cuz it says that this fine piece of estrogen is 47 years old. Now I might have to wear a diaper on occasion but I am not an idiot, a prefer the term ’selectively moronic’. Alas, however, the flyin monkey trolls over at Wikipedia say that she is in fact 47 but that’s of course if you want to buy into their confirmed and validated, time-tested information, PUH-LEEEZE! Even tho these pictures have clearly been touched by the au natural magic of photoCHOP demons, we all know from our inappropriate teenage fantasies that she basically does look just like this. Oh Demi, I don’t care if your hip gives out and your skin turns paper-thin causing a rustling sound every time you take a deep breath, you’ll always be the Cougar whose Depends I’d love to change…………Ewwww!
Leighton Meester Ft. Robin Thicke – Somebody To Love
Careful Meester, Paula is pregnant that means she can get away with acts of murder and blame it on the stress of pregnancy or questionable late-nite food combinations. I must be totally honest, when I found out that Leighton Meester from Gossip Girl was going to be puttin out music, I took out a major insurance policy on my ears. It covers bleeding of the ear drums, sudden imploding of the cochlea and provides hearing aids in the case of blunt force trauma to the inner ear situation. I’m so glad to say that I was wrong, I mean real wrong, wronger than polyester blended gowns and heavy blue eyeshadow at prom. Between Leighton being draped in couture and Robin Thicke coo’n through this piece of glam pop, the Meester is my new favorite stalk!
When I saw these Kenzo Wedges I slammed my head into my comp and gave thanx to Anna Wintour’s bob of wonder for allowing such wahn-da-fohl-ness to descend from the heavens. These sturdily built toe crushers cost a pretty penny but if I know you, you’re not above roughin up some little old lady for her pension check & soft carmels to get the funds. Deep down, granny would want you to buy your tootsies a little happiness from Kenzo, geriatrics are so kind & givin y’know. Make sure she can’t identify your face in a line up tho, they don’t let you rock fierce kicks in maximum security and those orange polyester blended jumpsuits can be a real damper on one’s will to live sense of style.
Kidz, did you know that every time a photographer takes a bad picture the Lord Gaude of Glory kills a paparazzi? So in light of the perm free Katt Williams’ mug shot(WHICH HE WAS INNOCENT) and Sammy Sosa’s exposed skinless facial membrane, lets pour out a little oil based liquid foundation for our fallen media leeches. I hope when you saw these pictures they didn’t cause your vision to call in to work with a bleedin case of H1N1. 1st and foremostedlyz, I don’t understand why they can’t provide a licensed esthetician with Wal-Mart brand face towlettes for celebs when they go to jail, this picture is screamin for Moist’cha! Wipe Me Down!
Poor Sammy however is sufferin from the nip tuckin, cosmetically ambitious spirit of Michael Jackson. Face look smooth like Gary Coleman or raw, uncooked chicken tiddy cutletz. Don’t worry Samz, I’ll just rebuke it and reverse the spell, “MaMa-Say-MaMa-Sah-MuhMa-Koo-Sah, MaMa-Say-MaMa-Sah-MuhMa-Koo-Sah”.
I know I’m late with this seeing that Chris performed this concert like, last week, but you can blame the obese, juicy, heavy breathin spirit of complacency for that *sticks out tongue*. After the horror of losing my vision at the sight Christopher Brownington violating a perfectly innocent stage, trying his best to make a babyz, the healing spittle of Christ Jesus renewed my eyesight that I might peep the lil boys new swag. Check the glittery band jacket worthy of an MJ Jerri kurl inferno and calf high sneaker boots that was the envy of every lip gloss’d, body contorting vogue monstah in the upper New England area, one of you wretched thangs say SHA-BAMM!
P.S. Do ya thang Chris, 4 real…………….now send me them shoes!
If this Kate Gosselin wig ain’t enough to scare you into holiness and righteousness, there’s a dangerous chance you’re gonna need some supernatural SPF for your permanent tour of duty in hell. Over the weekend while you were doin the breaststroke in a puddle of your own sick, the celebrities were dressed in party store trash, doin the cock-eye’ded-fool for Hallee’weenz. The Devil’s still workin yawl and that girl is PMS’in on a MOOOOONSTROUS rag cuz this blasphemy upon Fashiondom, I’m sure, has even the Lord Christ of Glamour clutchin his pearls of divinity……he got them at Jareds! I must say a few of the peoplez did put out a lil saaaaxy(Nic and Mariah), but some of these poor unfortunate souls are clearly a part of a dark and sinister plan to bring about the Apocalypse and the resurrection of polyester blends, how flammable. Where is Anna Wintour’s bob of wonder to save the day when we need and serve justice silly down on these gyrls?! Gird your meatz and proceed with caution:
Designer Michael Kors in vintage hippie and Kim Zolciaks plastic wiglet gerbal hat.
Martha Stewart as a furry, upper intestine turd and one of her gays as the Scotsman the turd dropped out of.
Say one word about The Divine Miss M and I’ll destroy yo life and hull out the cavities of your corpse to smuggle designer goods into unfashionable countries!
Celebrity schmoozer Steven Cocojaru, his many rows of teef’ and what’s left of his right mind. (Strike 1, hairy arms with chiffon – death threat to follow)
Nic and Mariah burnin with the saaaxy glow of holy married relations and financial stability.
Between the blazin orange hair and the silver stretch body suit, I don’t know if Letoya Jackson’s supposed to be an attention whorin, fire crotch or a bedazzled, disco camel toe.
Wendy Williams silicon meatz came as Dolly Parton and wore her as an accessory.
No you piece of loose floating colon sewage, this is not a remake of Oops I Did It Again! Besides I’ll be making that myself when I release my debut album, Boogina’s Stanktified Requiem <==What? The classically trained dancer in me spazzed a gay old spazz when I saw the choreography that Shakira and the guy dancer do on the bed but the dude in me had to jam my googley eyes back in the socket when Shaki’ start twirkin & bakin them cookiez, boy am I gonna have a headache 2morrah! This is the follow-up to the song/vid She-Wolf which melted the elastic in my Fruit-uh-da-Loombs and continues to give my thighs static cling when I think about it. I read on a few other blogs where the moderator said they didn’t really like the video but you know, every loser with pie fillin for brains is entitled to their own opinion no matter how little it matters to the real world………..yawl know we needz to respect for all peoplez.
“Sweetie, we don’t use plus size girls here at Ralph Lauren, SECURITY! Escort her from the premises and make sure she doesn’t go by the Kraft services table, you know how fat girls always try to steal all the good ol’ fatnin Big Debra snacks”
The brainless wonders at Ralph Lauren fired a 120lb model named Filippa Hamilton allegedly b’cuz they say she’s a big ol’ girl. I personally think she looks like she’s one finger down the throat away from her stomach eatin itself and havin her kidneys for desert but hey what do I know, I’m just Man-Diva Supreme Ovahness. Of coure the pic above was airbrushed to make her look more dead skinnier than she really is. This is not REAL news b’cuz we know that the fashion industry frowns upon bodies that look like they’ve been fed. The decades long explanation is that the model should be a hanger only and that the garment should be the only thing seen. Funny how they don’t mind accessorizing the clothes with rib cage and bugged out eyes tho. Don’t cry Oh fashion kunts, when will they ever learn?
Anyone with even the brain of a lipstick knows that I lovez me some Alexander McQueen b’cuz that lil ol’ thang freakin rocks! Personally, I think either he’z an ”Xtraterrestrial” come to Earth to really screw with us or he’z knockin back that illegal snackage. It is so rare to actually see a fashion show now-a-dayz that has an original point of view. The shapes in this show alone will melt the botox right outta your crows feet but the watercolor like prints on the fabric will snatch your lace front into new dimensions of tomfoolery. It’s refreshin to see clothes that you won’t find knock offs of at the swap meet, the devil be damned!
Gerard Butler lookin dapper dandy in charcoal gray tailored manliness with a touch of iridescence to appease that inner kunt.
Regina Hall in a mini party shift with sequined scallop detail. Lustrous layered lengths noted, flip it!
Sanaa Lathan dazzles in steely gray and silver strapy spike sandals complemented by buttery thighs of thunda. Accessory game proper, topped with flawless hair in high chignon.
Oscar nominee (KNOW THIS, take a nap Haterz) Viola Davis’ athletic body draped in pleated fuchsia pink cocktail dress and gold criss-cross peep toes. Razor’d and feathered boy cut with heavy bangs noted, Respect!
I woulda put Jamie Foxx but he looked like this:
For a man that knows how to dress, I was thoroughly through after seeing this. 7 demeritz and 2 punches in the larynx for leavin your glam’ah at home. Wretched…Indeed!
Sugarz to Eliza Dushku, servin you’z reprobatez choice cutz of d’lushusniss on her way to the set of David Letterman in a beige long sleeve tube dress with black & gold embellishment and accessoriez. Peep the lace glove and natural rosy lip color stain. Protect your cakez and goodz, if ol’ Daves jumpin the bones of staff, just imagine what naughty tomfoolereez he’ll have for the guests (I love David Letterman 4really and truly). Even tho she’s tryin to promote a new show and move on with her life, we won’t ever let her forget that she was and still is “Faith“, the hot piece of crazy that was givin Sarah Michelle the bidniss on Buffy.
Today, on a very special Haute Tunez, Whitney Houston takes us into the holy of holiez of soap opera dramaticz with a performance of ‘I Look To You’. I would’ve posted the actual video but seeing that it exquisitely sucked and made me crack the computer screen with my forehead, I decided I didn’t want to be the cause of anyone gougin out their eyes from boredom and disappointment. Whitney cracks (no pun intended……ok, maybe a little *evil grin*) a little here and there but overall it’s great to see the Queen of Adult Contemporary R&B back on her throne tossin that $500 wash’n'wear weave, Luxureez.
Click the pic 4 the vid cuz ‘WordPress’ is a Debbie Downer and won’t let me post it.
WARNING:
THIS TRAILER MAY CAUSE EXTREME OVAHNESS AND HAIR FLIPPERY.
DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY INTO THE DRAMA.
Everytime I open my beautiful brown peeperz a new fashion show pops up in TVland. Fabric and accessories, condescending douchecack hosts and fab tailor-suited den mothers, gaggles of gays and bitter ballsy chicks, fashion is truly havin itz day, Anny Wintour be praised! The evil eye’d broadcasters at MTV have bless’d you chil’renz with StyL’D, a dramatic, pearl clutchin soap opera of a reality show about wannabe stylists clawing at each others throats competing for a position at the end all and be all MMA. It’s headed off by queen kunt Jennifer Rade, who happens to style Angelina Jolie when she descends down from her heavenly throne of juicy lip’d good will, now the soccer mom’s will haz somethin to chat about over laundry and comparing saddle bags & cellulitus, wahn-da-fuhl!
When Solange cut her hair, shock waves of feverish kunty disapproval spread across these innanetz faster than the clap during Spring Break and every lip glossed kunt’s taint twisted into knots of hateration. In spite of the backlash of opinions nobody asked for, Solange didn’t care, doesn’t care and it’ll be a balmy, spring day in Hell(wal-mart) b4 she does. Check her recent interview and shoot with HoneyMag where she informs us all to back up and let her scalp folicles breath. We live in a time where when a famous person makes a decision for their own life, we all weigh in as if we pay their bills or are related to them or know what they look like with no pannies on. It’s fine to have your own opinion but get your head outta your colon and realize that if you disagree with someones choice, THEN DON’T MAKE THAT SAME CHOICE. I must admit I was a little shocked, as I dreamed of one day runnin my fingers through that $5000 hindu deep wave and gettin my fingers caught in the hand made track but after I cried away dreams of precious moments with Solo, I was excited about her daring new look. She’ll always be worthy of a good ol’ knife wieldin stalk to me!
If’n you likez Solange like me, join me as her Twitter friend: SolangeKnowles
Everybody’s doin Rihanna’s style these days and as they should cuz lets face it, that thang really is all that, I mean she really i-yus. Here’s an Alexander Wang creation that looks ready to hang off RiRi’s butta brown frame. I’m sure right now you’re thinkin of taking out that second mortgage or callin up that sugar daddy you went all neck wigglin independent woman on talkin bout “I don’t need to lay on my back to get ahead in life……..well not anymore now that you’ve already given me what I wanted, put a ring on it!”
Who knew that the big head lil hottie would turn into a real style icon, not me. To be honest I was in my prayer closet, wrapped in my cashmere prayer cloth prayin for a rabid herd of trannies to take her out……..I’m sorry but Pon De Replay really pissed me off peoplez. Anyway, she proved me wrong and though her music still doesn’t move mi nalgas, her style has captivated me. Clearly it’s done the same for others as I was shocked to see the new BeBe catologin which the whole style was very RiRi goth, did they pay her royaltieez for swaggah jackin, I bet not one red cent, fabulous thievin whooorez.
…well my innards are gettin all hot and bothered anyway.
Here’s my dah-lingk’ SJP doin Material Girl chic. She almost has it, she just needs to accessorize with a flamin, itchy case of the herpes and a bleeding canker sore and the look will be complete. OMGoG, soon there’ll be more of Samantha’s overactive cooter for all the Sex and The City fanaticalz to giggle into there over priced butter substitute popcorn. Jesus please don’t let me queen out like I did when the last movie came out, my balls finally drop back into place and I don’t wanna have to go through that again……..oh crap, that wasn’t supposed to be out loud.
Is it possible that you spent a little too much time Sharpie’ing in your hairline that you forgot to press on those surgical grade lashes. I really didn’t want to come for you Jermaine as I went to bible study last night so I’m feelin really holy and stuh’, but you’re a repeat offender and if you insist on being seen in the light then you clearly are askin for it. You and your paint by number hairline recieve two drill team demerits and open fisted slap for neglecting your press on lashes, do it again I’ll kill you, no seriously I kill you. Now I know you think that your plastic hair helmet will protect you but just like Vivica’s hairline had to find out the hard way, I always win. Love you like Jesus and Dem.
The VMA’s are as unpredictable as wedding night for 2 virgins, it might end with a show stopping performance with special effects and a light show or it might end in tears with some douchcack *cough*Kanye*cough* ruining what was supposed to be the greatest night of your life by getting his and leaving you unsatisfied, greasy and cheated. No matter what happens at this 3 ring monkey spectacle, there’s always something interesting to view which brings us to our 1st monkey, the fabulous and avant garde Lady of Gaga
Jean Paul Gaultier be damned, tar’d and feather’d, diddle’d and slaughtere’d, I lovez it. I lovez it so much, I’ll forgive the bloody desecration of that beautiful white leotard during her performance, talk about a heavy flow! Po’ chile’ don’t even know where she is right now………..Land Pooh, the runway is clear, land.
Thick, buttery Creole drizzled McJiggleYumz poured into couture, must a say more?
The hippy wonder kilt in a Balmain mini and thigh high platform boots. I surely wanna thank ya mama for all that puddinz. I feel international relations improving as I speak, thank ya Gawd!
And for his charcoal, finely tailored Calvin Klein unit, the award for Man-Diva Ovahness goes to………..um,………?
Alicia Keys in mirrorball glam, who knew that those gams were hiding under that piano? Cocoa Butter does a body good.
Dapper dandy Chace, does dressy casual b’cuz that ‘I just knocked down a few shameless and eager groupies at the hotel on my Sealy Posturpedic’ look is carvin fashion identiteez. Thumbs up!
They say that Beyonce let Solange out the basement to perform her sisterly duties such as carrying B’s purse, retouching B’s lip-gloss, tasting B’s champagne to make sure it was laced with poison but I say she floated right off a runway and gave us fever that no ‘dragon’ could ever muster. Take me back to the basement with you Solo, I’ll let cha shave me…….
Well he might be full of poo and diarrhea but Kanye knows how to accessorize. Check the snakeskin bag on his arm, that bag is really holdin, I mean it’s stuffed.
D Dragonis a Korean rapper/singer and I use rapper quite loosely cuz I’m loose………..-I MEAN NICE, I meant nice, I’m very kind that’s what I meant. I know what you’re gonna think, ‘that there is a pretty Asian girl…what her number is’, but like Caster Semenya, there’s more to the story. This is a dude and he’s the lead member of a boy band called “Big Bang”…………*silence*. I know, I know, with a name like “Big Bang” for a boy band the gay cracks just seem to assemble themselves but I will not have you sayin things like ‘I wonder who plays the girl’ or ‘BIG bang? aren’t we being a little generous’…………I just won’t tolerate those sort of comments, they’re quite offensive so save it. It’s hard to explain the vid but just watch it and you’ll love those crazy Asians and their over the top theatrics just as much as I do. It’s like a drag show without the military ‘tuckin’ and the paint by number make-up masks. Love!
In honor of the King and the fact that the memorial on t.v. took me down to a real dark, dead & sad place and no I don’t mean Wal-Marts menswear section or Florida’s innercitys *winks at QQ*, I present to you Michael’s Bedazzled TipToe medallion! Now before you all begin to offer me your 1st born and make disgusting sexual advances upon my sanctified person, I can’t help you get one, so unfortunately I won’t be able to wield that beautiful power over your unsuspecting lives. Bwoy Wonder, a fly mister from London-town, creates one of a kind lego medallions of pop culture staples that are an accessory whorez dewey moist dream. This is definitely one of the dopest additions to any HollyHood hipster’s wardrobe. Now you might not be able to rock this at your next PTA meeting or neighbor hood watch potluck but I’m sure you glamah’dollz can find somewherez to rock it. Be careful now, if you do get your hands on one, you might be in danger of bodily harm from random sycophants………..namely me, GIMME THEM GOODZ!
Did you’se reprobates know that Tyra had a stalker? I know right! Look at poor TyTy baby leavin the courthouse and she’s still modeling with her eyes, good girl! When I read about this, I had to sniff my coffee to make sure the Starbucks girl hadn’t put a little chuggin gin in my latte again. At 1st I thought it would be some finger snappin, lip glossed crossdresser, in run over Payless clogs and a $1 store wig that wanted to replace her as the fiercest piece in daytime but to my suprise it’s an honest to goodness stalker. I thought stalking went out with shoulder pads and jellies?! You know she’s gonna turn this crap into a 3 part “very special” Tyra show and there’s gonna be some tranny givin out tips on self defense and how to create an authentic looking cameltoe, such an ordeal! Who stalks anymore? I mean there was that one time when I made that movie with Grace Jones on my video phone while she was asleep but that’s different b’cuz I love her like soooo much………….no really, it’s totally different. Hiding in bushes, lurking outside windows, creating authentic looking counterfeit credentials and badges to gain access to wherever they are……………I mean, that’s just what I heard they do, besides, that’s just too much work and I can’t be missin Oprah…………oops, I mean Tyra…………..
I’m so sorry, I’ve been a WHORE-ible blog moderator. No new material or nothin but my computer is on itz rag and it ain’t good for nothing no more so till I fix it I have to use the computer at the library. They only let you use it for 2 hours so there’s so much other crap I have to do daily online that I haven’t had much time to blog. My computer at home just stares at me now but I want you to know that using the computer at the library is just as bad as it sounds. I liken it to getting hit in the face with a freight train………….it’s just not a good experience. I forgot that library’s smell like menopause and low life expectations. Calgon take me away to the apple computer store for a new laptop! Donations anyone?!
Since the new Hannah Montana movie made $34 million at the box office, it’s safe to say that her fan base of sugar high, musty young girls and horny, greasy palmed, lurkin’n'lonely old men couldn’t have given a hot colonic about the tragedy she unleashed at the actual premiere. There’s a stylist somewhere that deserves a glass of hot piss to the face for makig a lovely girl look like Penthouse ‘Hoe Dealin Of The Month’. Now no one told me Hannah Montana was going into porn! I mean, is this a showing for a Disney film or did we make a wrong turn and end up at a Jenna Jameson 4 hour featurette. I bet that dress comes with secret pocket filled with complimentary birth control snackin pills and flavored sugar free sexin rubbers. I mean it’s a Missoni, so I guess I should like it but for some reason I have the strong urge to tear up my mama’s house robe and make an attempt at couture, I mean a hoe rag……………and……………….and are those…………………are those Payless shoes?!?! Oh, the WHOREmanity! Miley is too cute to be lookin like someones weekend tasty sang’which spread! On the other hand, lookin at her in that dress, who knew she was holdin like that?
Oh Miley m’dear, please just don’t shave your head and attack yo baby daddy SUV with an umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh!
I barely have any idea what fooseball is or whatever they call it, but when PETA starts actin’ a malnourished, grass eatin fool, I take notice! Everyone knows what an idiot Michael Vick made of himself when he destroyed his career by getting caught up in a dog fighting ring. However, did you know that those flyin whore monkeys over at PETA wrote every single major league football team, petitioning them not to sign him when he was released from jail? If that ain’t the cock block to end ‘em all and spoil a wet dream! I mean it’s one thing to douse a fur wearer with pigs blood, that’s just clean, wholesome fun but it’s another thing to diddle with a brotha’s paycheck? Brokeness(not an actual word) has never been fashionable.
Now I know in the past that I’ve expressed hate for PETA and the possibility of dousing them in used cooking oil from KFC and settin’ them on fire for a 4th of July light show that would kill *pun* but c’mon! They’re so full of it, they’d take out a family of 6 in a mini-van to save a rabid stray crossing the freeway, clutching a new born in it’s mouth. Those sphincter pirating slut bags! Look, I don’t like the whole dog fighting thing either and I believe he should’ve gone to jail too but he’s paid his debt to society so you people need to chill out and go eat a steak or somethin. I’m gonna line your veggie burgers with meat from an endangered species you’se whorez!
WoW! I’m sorry my Good Judys, I know I’ve neglected you like unwanted broken condom babies but I’ve been real busy. I’ve been neglecting you all like a dead beat dad, the only thing missing is some nice cigarette burns. I really do apologize but my apartment complex and the utility companies are forcing me to actually work so I can pay for unimportant crap like indoor plumbing and a place to live, those money lustin whore monkeyz, ARRRGGH! Whatever the case, I’ve returned plucked, spackled, waxed and polished, lookin more beautiful than evah! I hope you children are still with me, Glam’ah! Check out the new, dreadlock free me. Enjoy my face………..
Don’t I look like a little boy now? A cute little boy with mischief on his mind………..
It’s a stampede of candidates for America’s Next Flop Model. Yes childrenz, you read right, they stampeded like a hoard of cows tryin to get to the feedin trough at the Olive Garden, Moooooo! Not to volunteer to help in a needy community or to provide blood so there would be surplus for life saving purposes or to burn Anna Wintour in effigy, not important causes like that. No, these delicate young heffas straight grid-ironed and clawed and catted their way forward for the chance to bask in the glow of Tyra’s premium silky weave. I know Tyra’s gonna turn this into a “very special Tyra” episode and talk to the “victims” about how they overcame this “hardship” and it’s all gonna lead back to her. I mean really, must we push, everyone will have their chance to be told to go kill themselves. This is just ridiculous, I thought I was watchin’ a soup line in a 3rd world country and what’s pitiful is that most of these wannabes will be models when Satan starts up an ice cold lemonade stand in hell on the 4th of “Nevuary”. I would call them whores for attention but I gave up snarkiness for lent………………………so I won’t call them whores……………………I’m just not gonna call them whores……………………no, I’m not calling them that…………not whores………………………wait, what is lent again?
Look at all that Beyonkey Donkey poured into a breathtaking Thierry Mugler original. It’s like a bucket of KFC original but tastier and much more greasy. Oh to be the Spanx huggin all 32′-24′-36′ of that jelly. Beyonce taunts we the fashion elite on the set of her tour promo shoot in a Mugler one of a kind that is clearly NOT House of Dereon, Mama Tina gon’ kill her a few stylists before lunch. I don’t know if you all remember, but Mugler has designed all the costumes and pieces for Beyonce’s new world tour, including that of her dancers and band. I don’t know how much that costs but let’s just say to pay for it, I’m sure Sasha Fierce is gonna have to shake that monkey until it shatters and falls to pieces. If this is just a taste of what Mugler has designed for B’s new tour, clearly I’m going to need a wet nurse and a fresh pack of Depends cuz I’ll be soiling myself with sheer delightz. Actually, I’m soiling myself right now and you all have been a part of it………….and that just makes is that much more special Indiez. Now pass me a baby wipe……..thank ya dear.
