Haute Style: Gwyneth Be Stylin’ On Yawl Girlz!

 

Through the years, I have been known to call Gwyneth Paltrow everthing under the sun from ‘malanin deficient bean pole’ to ’bulemic boy chested trollop’ to ‘talentless slope headed bonebag’………but I digress.  I’ve also been known to be hasty in forming my opinion of people in the past but sweet magnificent Jesus is working on me.  Whatever the case I must admit my new found fascination with Gwyny P.  Since she’s put herself back on the scene she’s been really living up to her “fashion icon” title.  Just in the past few weeks she’s been promoting her return to the screen in Iron Man and BOY has she been workin’ it out, looking like she’s never had a screaming human larva come tearing out of her lower half, child birth ain’t nothin nice.  Gwyny, I TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY TAKE BACK EVERYTHING I SAID AND SWEAR MY TOTAL DEVOTION TO YOU AND THOSE LEGS, MYYYYY GAWWWWDDD!  That’s what an Oscar winner looks like! 

 - Z’maji, “Hot Legs………..the best accessory known to man!”

Yes Ma’am……not even KFC has leg that good! 

 

 

HAUTE Style: Straws Not Just For The Horses No-Mo’…

Hear ye, Hear ye, get yourself down to the local high-end department store and hold em’ hostage for a straw bag…………or just get a job and buy one, it you go for that sort of employment thing.  Mena Suvari(WHO?!) was caught on somebodies red carpet with a faberluss oversized Valentino Nuage straw bag, which I’m sure she had to return at the end of the night…….friggin’ D*listers.  How cruel to subject that poor bag to be on the arm of what’s her name.  Oh well,  hopefully some of you girls and I’m sure a few of you guys will go out and give some beauteous accessory a nice home.  Time to max out that credit card or get some jackass to max out his……..whichever one makes you sleep easier at night.

-Z’maji, “All you need now is a grass skirt and a coconut bra”

 

Get Some Fiber In Your Wardrobe:

Valentino Nuage straw woven armbag

 

Bleecker Straw Clutch by Coach

 

Francesco Biasia-Glenda Tote in White Straw & Croc Stamp 

 

Michael Kors Large Santorini Straw Shopper 

 

HAUTE Style: Kim Kardashian - Beyond Cheap Porn

 

The newly dubbed socialite(GAAAHG) and Reggie Bush detainee was recently at the ‘Style Your Slim’ event looking like a peice of ‘CLAWD-HAMERCY’ dipped in ‘THANK YA JESUS’ with a side of ‘HALLE-LUCYAH’.  Check out Ray J’s ex-jump off in a lovely silicon hugging grey sweater dress and sueded knee high boots,  just screams cash funds don’t it?Just goes to show that it doesn’t matter if someone “stole” a private moment that you and your then boyfriend tapped for “your own personal use”,  you still can come out on top………or on bottom or whatever position that you’ll decide to bend yourself into next.  Now just because you can’t take career advice from Ms. K, that doesn’t mean you can’t get some style tips from her.  Afterall she is a……..a um……….socialite?

-Z’maji, “Say YES to silicon buns of jelly”

Get HAUTE Like Kim:

Rebecca Taylor mini tunic

‘Juicy Couture’ Juicy Pearl Bow Hoops

Pedro Garcia ‘Xaide’ Boot in Suede

Knee-High by Zulli

Roberto Cavalli Velvet Pochette (raised floral embellishment)

Alice & Olivia Sequined Sweater Dress

HAUTE Style: Beyonce’s Studded Tootsies

Beyonce rocked the Ariella demi-boot from Christian Louboutin at the Nets game while hammin it up with her Jigga-Boo and Kanyeezy……….4-sheeeeezy.  Shhhh, if you listen the boots will say somthing to you, they say, “kick her in the head and take me”.  These beauties are from the 2007 Christian Louboutin collection but it’s a haute add to any shoe collection.  Plus my sexy Fashnophiles, why should Beyonce have everything.  If you can’t have her disgustingly rich man, you can at least have her shoes, can I get a witness?

 -Z’maji, “Lace Front Wigs AND Christian Louboutin shoes…………what a woman”

 Ariella Demi-Boot by Christian Louboutin

Get Haute Rocker-Chic Foot Game Like Beyonce:

Christian Louboutin patent leather Avedere lace-ups

Just Cavalli Patent Platform Ankle-Boot

Donjon knee-boots by Christian Louboutin

Alexander McQueen Leather Boots

HAUTE Style: Surrender To The BOB!!!

Don’t fight it baby…….relax, just let it happen……..you know you want it.  The BOB is taking over and even tho I’m not one to conform to every little thing that beauty and fashion throws to the masses, I gotta say……. it’s kinda turnin me on.  The reason why I can really get with this overwhelming trend is because you can get yourself a BOB buuuuuttt,  there are soooo many different cuts and color selections that you can still create your own look without compromising you.  Your stylist(if he/she/undecided is competent) can give you a cut & color that complements your face and sends your whole look into a new dimension.  You don’t have to worry about assaulting some chick at the same event as you because she has the same style……..unless you want to be classy and fight just because. 

 -Z’maji, “Get yo’ hair DID!!!”

HAUTE Findz: Sneakers Are The Devils Candy, Mmmm

 

Raf Simons Astronaut Sneaker Boot (divos)

I’ve combed the web for you my devoted Fashnophiles to find the sweetest Tennies for your perfectly pedi-ed tootsies………and even if your feet look like dead rotten appendages from a horror flick you still can be down.  I believe in having 2 nice pair of sneakers, 1 in white and 1 in black, then after that, do tha fool and FREAKUM.  There are so many options, so many colors & styles becuz companies are competing for the attention of shoe fiends and foot fetish degenerates everywhere.  Your wardrobe ain’t right until you add a few pair of wildly colored, obscene ”kickz”.  THUS SAITH Z’MAJI….

 -Z’maji,  “Do as I say or a kitty will die”

Dolce Vita by Timberland (dolls)

Reebok Freestyle Mid Tokyo (dolls)

14k Muska Skytop by Supra (divos)

Harajuku Lovers ‘Rainbow Frank Kogal-Fold Tex’ (dolls)

New Balance 570 Sean D’Anconio (divos)

Vans ‘Super Sk8-Hi in Paint Drip Slip’ (dolls)

Kanye Graduation Air Force Ones (Source - Necole ***chie Blog)

HAUTE Style: Big Sexy’s New Year Style

SPANX BE DAMNED!  The Oscar/Golden Globe/NAACP Image/ S.A.G./—*whew*—B.E.T./Bafta and a crap load of others award winner Jennifer Hudson was a thick-n-d’lishuous vision on the red carpet on New Years Eve.  Her arrival outfit was a pristine white lingerie-like dress with a matching satine blazer but her performance gown was a curve fondlin’ floor length with an off the shoulder pluuuuuuuuuuuunging neck line in blazing red.  This is a great example of real women with real curves creating a look that is sexy but styled for they’re body type at the same time.  ALRIGHT for the big sexy girls that flaunt womanly curves of meat!!! YUM

 -Z’maji,  “Silly girrrrrl, are you hiding midgets in your bra………………….again?”

  

 

GET HAUTE LIKE BIG SEXY J.HUD:

Fendi Double-Breasted Pleat Trim Jacket

Waist Cinched Roberto Cavalli with Tullip Sleeves

Nine West ‘Delray’

Carmen Marc Valvo Cross Back Cocktail Dress

4.5″ Platform Pumps in Croc Print

 

HAUTE Style: Santa’s Dead, So Get Your Sexy On

                             

        Jill Stuart, Red Daria Strapless Party Dress: http://www.net-a-porter.com/

That jolly old porker is “Crankin That Soulja Boy” with the Angels so he can’t possibly know if you’ve been bad or good…………..Jesus, however, is another story.  Don’t worry though you can still preserve your virtue(that ship has sailed, crashed & sunk anyway) and look like a freshly wrapped Christmas gift, the gift you SAID you were taking to the homeless shelter but decided to keep for yourself,  you trash.  Z’maji hopes you’ll be styled to perfection for those Holiday parties that you’ll be arriving to fashionably late or crashing b’cuz you have to show up the hostess for daring to not invite you.  Here’s your chance to ”accidently break one of her china plates on purpose”.  Remember,  Tis the season to raise hell while looking better than others.

-Z’maji, “Yea, uh, your Christmas party is lame so I’m takin some presents, mm-kay”

                              

        

HAUTE Style: Simon Sayz……Iridescence!

                

Simon Webbe of the British boy-band phenomenon, Blue, attended the UK premiere of “I Am Legend”.  The R&B sensation man-diva’d his way down the red carpet bedazzled in a finely tailored, copper colored blazer with studded motorbike gloves and his signature, slightly askew mohawk,  I love when artist take risks.  This of course is no shock b’cuz he always shows up polished and prepared in trendy, masculine ensembles,  he has such great style.  Someone has a gay stylist……………….and that GIRl is fabulouuuuuuusss!  Check out his performance of ’The Killers’ hit “When You Were Young” at the ICA.

-Z’maji, “No, No…..he’s not gay, he’s just British”

              

HAUTE Designers: Rami Kashou Storms Fashiondom

 With a stint in the 15 minute fame lane for being on Project Runway, a new Ready-To-Wear line for Spring/Summer 08′, and A list clients such as Jessica Alba, Fergie & Tyra Banks, Rami Kashou is KIL-LING-IT!  What’s funny is, he’s actually been producing his own line since 2001, but Project Runway has pushed him to the forefront. His peices are classically sophisticated and glamourus with unconventional twists, it makes for beautiful shapes that are unparalleled. I believe the key to his genius is his grasp of drapping the female body, no one drapes high quality fabric like Rami Kashou. He’s quickly becoming the new giant in fashion. Now drool puppets……DROOL I SAY!!!

-Z’maji, “Yes I spent the rent money on a Rami Kashou original”                                   

                                 Couture Remi Kashou gowns

                

        

                           From the Spring/Summer 08′ collection

                   

                   

                                  Ready-To-Wear Goodies from the 07′ collection

Get more Rami at:  www.ramikashou.com

HAUTE Style: Listen To Your Mommy, Wear Your Galoshes

                                  Rubber rain boots by Victoria Secret

                                      

It rained bloody murder here in Houston all weekend,  talk about a “HEAVY FLOW DAY”, honestly!  To protect those perfectly pedicured tootsies, get yourself a pair of All-Weather boots.  They’re a fun and cute solution on those D’lishuous cold fall rainy days.  I mean you can’t risk water damaging your ‘Louboutins’.  So just grab a simple black umbrella(ella-ella-eh-eh-eh), a pair of waterproof boots, hit the boulevard and tell mother nature to suck it!  You’re still Haute!!!

 -Z’maji, “Raindrops keep fallin on my head……..God I hate that song”

                        Chooka ‘Sailor City’ rain boot from www.piperlime.com

                                                 RAIN BOOTS FROM NEIMANNS

                                        

                                                               Kate Spade

                                         

                                                     Burberry Novacheck

                                       

                                                       Burberry Knit Cuff

                  

HAUTE: AMA’s proved that celebrities get dressed in the dark

Sweet Masterful Christ!!!

WHAT THE BLOODY TAMPON ‘HAIL’ IS GOIN ON.  I don’t usually do the whole swiping photos from credible photograph sites such as WIREIMAGE but the fashion was so bad at this award show,  I just don’t care.  Death to celebrity stylists…….

WoooooooooooooW,  a gold, hip hugging, low cut, mermaid dress, never seen that before Beyonce.  Don’t get me wrong I’d still hump your leg, but can you try somethin’ new for those of us that love you.  It’s pretty, it’s just so campy and gay…….please stop.

         

And I see that your sister was attacked by a Belted Rabid Bolt of Chiffon

      

 Um…..Queen……..I love you………..and that’s all I’m gonna say

 

 YOU Miss Lavigne, however, I do not like, therefore I must proclaim that this dress is a classic case of the devil at work,  THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU! 

     

Baby, it’s not even prom season and if it was I would douse that dress with pigs blood like yo’ name was Carrie…………sat down!

    

WHY!!! WHY WOULD YOU WEAR THAT?!?! Its just not flattering…….eat something

  

The token black girl from High School Musical thought it would be a good idea to tear up her mama bed sheets and wear it as a dress…………..AND blue eyeshadow

    

Why is the sweetheart of country music wearing a dress made of dollar store doillies

     

No, No, No Celine.  The only woman allowed in fringe is Tina Turner and she let that go after she stopped letting Ike whoop on that head.

Nicole Sherzaminganinaskercumin’s dress wasn’t so bad, but somebody at Mistic Tan don’t like her……….oompa-loompa-doobidy-do…..

         

Fergalicious was not delicious and I am so through,  I’m goin to pray.

         

-Z’maji, “Why yes Ma’am, your peice of trash dress IS making me nauseous”

     

HAUTE: WMA’s few goodies & I mean FEW

Well,  this years World Music Awards had a few ensembles worth mentioning,  but just like most award shows, the celebrities didn’t give a flyin flip.  I think I even saw Akon off on the side drooling and havin a little cat ‘nappage’.  Anyhoosits, check out Ciara’s sexy unconvential style and Rihanna’s classic glamour-lishous-ness…..my grammar skills are a disaster, forgive me.

 -Z’maji, “More leg please….and put some cheese on it”

Ciara:

           

           

           

Rihanna

           

           

Pictures courtesy of brownsista.com