Monthly Archives: April 2008

Sex & The City: …..And The Torture Continues

37 days til Carrie styles on them hoes in her 08 Monolos…..

888 hours til Samantha whores her way back into our hearts……

53,280 minutes til Miranda has another vajtastic voyage with Steve and bedraggles us with sarcasm…

3,196,800 seconds til Charlotte screws up her black market asian baby with good ole American parenting…….

 

………Soon we’ll be havin’ Sex!

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Wardrobe Malfunction: Gossip Girls Wear Granny’s Curtains

Fooleries Past and Present

 What in the Scarlett O’Hara green drapery hail is goin on with this dress.  Fringe ain’t cute nor is it lawful in 49 states,  KILL HER JESUS – PLEASE KILL HER!  It is unacceptable to tear up your Granny’s curtains and wear them out in front of innocent, unsuspecting people………….

UNLESS, you’re a southern belle in Civil War America and your home has just been demolished by the Yankee army leaving you nothing but your dead mothers drapes with which you have your mammy design you a couture gown so that you can go into Atlanta to visit Rhett Butler and get cash funds to pay the taxes on TARA!  That is the only excuse, therefore madam, you are in violation and in need of a kick to the throat.  Leighton whats her face from Gossip Girl wore this to, of all places, the Metropolitan Opera House <GASP>.  She’s a lovely girl but who in hell left the gate open?  The bust line doesn’t even fit her iddy biddies, the waist line is bulky with the bottom of somebody’s Grandmama’s curtains & the fabric looks soooo cheap.  I guess she’s been to busy gossipin’ to notice that her gay best friend stylist is setting her up for failure.

-Z’maji, “….something nice?! Um, ok………..she don’t look as stank as I would have expected?”

A,B,C or D: Robert “Vanilla Ice” Van Winkle

This mugshot of Vanilla Ice in 2001after being arrested for domestic abuse for snatching a plug of hair from his wife’s head makes him look like………

A) a cowardly HAS BEEN meth faced wife beater.

B) he stole a lace front from Beyonce’s wig crypt.  

C) a 911 case for the tanning salon. 

D) a good reason to have a makeup artist on hand when taking mugshotz.

 

Mugshot from recent domestic abuse altercation…….he ain’t learned:

Reality Shows Is HAUTE: Nina…..You’re OUT!!!

 

Auf Wiedersehen boo!

In the words of my fellow blogger and my armed robbery co conspirator, Slaus of OHN blog says: FAIL NINA, FAIL!!!

Poor Nina has gotten the boot in this recent dabacle over where Project Runway will make it’s home.  It’s this whole back and forth thing between Bravo TV and Lifetime, but I just have to say that the idea of watching Project Runway on Lifetime is as appealing as sharing needles with Paris Hilton……just sooo unsavorys’. 

-Z’maji, “Well at least you still got a job, Ms Editor In Chief…….yawl hirin’ ?”

HAUTE Goodies: Gwen Killin’ Yawl Girls With Product

It’s hard to believe that the fashion forward bombshell that is Gwen Steffani, used to be the Ska princess that wore dickies, red dollar store lipstick & pink ‘Gem’ like hair.  Now she’s a savvy ‘bidniss’ woman, mother and definitive music artist……..killin’ yawl girlz with product.  Watch out Marie Osmond, Mrs. Gavin Rossdale is comin’ for the doll industry next.  Check out Gwen’s line of dolls inspired by her music videos and her “Harajuku Lovers” fragrance figurines.  So cute and sure to be expensive.  Hope you gots’ a job or a wealthy husband or some food stamps!

-Z’maji, “I wonder where Gwen hid the bodies of her bandmates from No Doubt…..”

 

 

 

 

 

Sex & The City: Big Zexy and Fergs Featured On Movie Soundtrack

Platic Shock vs Juicy Jigglums

Why do the makers of the S&TC movie keep doling out information to us like common crack dealers.  It’s like they give you a little taste for free, just so you can come back later but then you’ll have to turn tricks for some more cuz you’ve already spent all your money, lost your job and sold your child to support your addiction……….so I’ve heard.  Anyway, Big Sexy and Fergs both will be featured on the soundtrack for the S&TC.  Fergs will sing, ‘Labels & Love’, which is the opening number and Big Zexy J. Hud will sang and I mean SANG! the Cee-Lo produced ballad, ‘All Dressed Up In Love’.  Only 44 days until we get some good ole’ SEX……….& The City!                    

Z’maji, “44 days, 6 hours, 25 minutes & 23 seconds…..and counting, c’mon Carrie!”

Periodicals Is HAUTE: Kate, A Motorbike & Exposed Boy-Chest

I don’t know what the cover says but my sweet Katey Moss graces the cover of the April issue of Vogue Paris and her boychest never looked more wonderful than now,  love that hungry, malnurished look.  Y’know, after the whole thing of being caught cuttin’ that illegal white,  her career and her shoots have been off the meter.  Crack is supposed to be whack, but…….I don’t know, it’s doin major thangs for Katey.  Have you noticed that the models are taking back the fashion magz, THANK SWEET & TANGY MOO-GOO-GAI-PAN JESUS!!!  Now hopefully we won’t continue to be subjected to Chloe Sevignumz’ and Cory Kennedy hoarding the newstands.  *Lifts Champagne glass*  Here’s to the models killin’ the 15 minute fame girl and burning the remains…..

-Z’maji, “I got the gasoline, who has the matches?!”