Thick and Rich, Mrs. Butterworth ain’t ready!
Personally beloved, I woulda had more fun counting the stretch marks on my Aunt Oona’s back fat………y’know, Aunt Oona…….Aunt Oona from Al Toona. Anywhatsits, we don’t really watch award shows to see who wins, we wanna know who’s wearing what and how much bacon grease & chicken fat it took to stuff them into it. Every woman on the carpet should get an Emmy for acting charming and glamorous while sucking in. There should be an Emmy for “Best Gut Hold in a Perilously Tight Low Cut Rag” or “Best Colon Squeeze in a Cocktail Napkin”. Poor girls, smashin’ your liver all into your kidneys, can’t breath, lungs all crammed together, reproductive organs cuttin’ off circulation to your bowels………and for what, a perfect papp picture which they will only pick apart becuz you look a weary, underfed mess. Better chill and let that belly hang tho’, too much pressure on the innards could pop an ovary and dislodge a stray flatulent that would certainly ruin your Emmy night and deflate Ryan Seacrest hair.
This Years Trends:
Mariska Hargitay – Carolin Herrera/Jennifer Morrison – Marchessa /Christina Applegate – Reem Acra
Bold Brilliant Black
Debra Messing – Monique Lhuillier/Sandra Oh – Oscar De La Renta/Hayden Panettiere – Badgley Mischka/Tina Fey – David Meister/America Ferrera – Werle/Kate Walsh – Zuhair Murad
Mary Louise Parker – Roberto Cavalli/Brooke Shields – Badgley Mischka/ Nicolette Sheridan – Angel Sanchez
Shimmer & Shine
Fellicity Huffman – Reem Acra/Heidi Klum – Armani Prive/Evangeline Lilly – Elie Saab Haute Couture
Vanessa Williams – Kevan Hall
Olivia Wilde – Reem Acra
Kyra Sedgewick – L’Wren Scott
Dazed and Confused after a week of lemonade and chilli powder. If you look in her eyes you can see the hunger demon leanin’ on a peptic ulcer, screamin’ for a bizkits and 4 piece from Nay-Nays shack of Chicken, Gizzards & Notaries!
Sweet Phoebe’s quest for a yeast infection, beggin’ to be set on fire……………….WITH.ALL.THAT.POLYESTER.ON.
NOT ALLYSSA MILANO! Attention depraved Christina De La Rosa in tampon couture. What the bloody, raggedy-rag is really goin’ on? M’love, tampons do not a party gown make! Slay your stylist please!
Z’maji, “Where’s a match and a can of animal blood when you need it!?”