Monthly Archives: December 2008

Die 2008! DIE! And Take Kanye West and Man Skirts With You!

 

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Well Fashionophiles,  we’ve come to the end of this gaping maw of a butthole we call 2008.  Being the selective douchecack that I am, I felt I needed to violate you one last time like R Kelly at a Girl Scouts sleepover before we cross over into 09′. This year has been bitter sweet hasn’t it my Fashionophiles?          

 

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PALIN CABINET

We got our 1st black president but we lost a hot, stacked soccer mom with power suits that made Hilary Clinton’s snicker doodle implode with jealousy.

 

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Britney brought sexy back but Amy CrackHouse started looking like something out of Thriller.

 

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Christian Siriano released magnificent product, taking his spot as a candidate for fashion’s future but this season’s Project Runway sucked man-berriez like eager back alley prostitwats.

 

Marc Jacobs

Fashion Indie’s Fashion Week Brooklyn was the toast of New York but Marc Jacobs continued to flash bystanders that malnourished little peen from under his crushed velvet man skirt………..NYPD did nothing, PIGS!

 

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Daniel Saynt and Rebecca Alexander of Fashion Indie joined in matrimony, filling the world with love and beauteously raunchy married relations but Spencer and Heidi threatened us with the possibility of producing offspring, filling the world with fear and horror, sending some into suicidal fits of madness.

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killed in Grace Jonesesque chic but made stinky poo glitter all over music.

 

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pushed the limits of urban fashion but pushed the limits of urban fashion…………..and yes he’s still ‘IGNANT’, his brain is still lodged betwixt his sphincter!

 

Anna Wintour

My fellow site Fashion Indie got more awesome-er but Annie Wintour is still in power devouring the souls of our young, all whilst enjoying high tea…………..and she still ain’t got rid of that tired and ovah bob!

And lastly but most importantly, I’ve never been more sexifull…………Put A Ring On It!

See ya on the other side my little Haute Ones!

  – Z’maji     aka: The High Priest of Man-Diva Ovahness!

Shoe Game: New Supra SkyTop Golds

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I don’t care if Nike comes out with a new pair of Air Jordan’s that pay the bills and make sweet mind shattering love to you,  they’ll never, ever be able to touch Supras.  With Supras,  you always know you won’t just get a pair of hot sneakz but also design and color that pops like none other from underneath the cuff of your jeans.  I know I’m gettin mine.  I hope the haters don’t spill their haterade on my Supras when I glide by.  I’d hate to splatter blood on my new kicks.

Z’maji, “Mines is cuter than yours is”

R.I.P.: The Notorious B.E.T.T.Y.

 

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That haute piece of 1950’s pinup tail,  Betty Paige,  has passed on after a heart attack and a 3 week battle with pneumonia,  that strong old bird.  Betty was a key figure in the sexual revolution of the 60’s and her likeness has become a staple on the face of vintage Americana.  If you’re the kind of person that enjoys being bound and gagged by aggressive midget trolls and beat with various household objects until you lose consciousness,  you partly have Betty to thank.  However, she wasn’t just a face among the crowd of beauties,  she was a movement and now she has a cult following that includes magazines, comics,  action figures and a 2005 biopic of her life, “The Notorious Betty Page.”  As if all that doesn’t make her your main obsession,  she was once committed to a mental institution……….*GASP* SHE’S FABULOUS! 

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The Idiot Box: Brooke Gotz Hosed!

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I’m pissed Indies.  I just found out that Brooke Shields lil show Lipstick Jungle got the can.  It was my knock off “Sex & The City” fix and now it’s gone like a high school girls virginity on prom night,  leaving me feeling cheap, unsatisfied and greasy.   I mean this was even after I found out it wasn’t about lipstick lezzies tossin around their boxes in NYC to any and everything with a pulse *disappointment*.  I’m more confused than trying to hold a conversation with actual living, breathing people.  Where ever shall I find intelligent, successful, sexy white women dressed up in designer crap, looking photo shoot ready mid-day for no reason,  dealing daily with petty life situations?  How come all the good stuff gets cancelled and Perez Hilton is still getting to make dookie all over television with his VH1 specials………..of course………..well…………..it is VH1.
-Z’maji,  “Why I do believe I shall swoon!”

What The Accessorized Hail?!: The Little Horsey That Really Shouldn’t

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I’ve never wanted to maul and mame My Lil Pony more than now.  All you’re doing by carrying this is setting yourself up for failure and a lonely vagina.  If you’re a snaggle toothed 7 year old Juicy Juice chuggin’ crumb snatcher, this would be cute for your lil pre-pubescent fashion sense.  If you’re a grown woman, this would be a cute opportunity for you to be a victim of my mid-day target practice.  C’mon my loverliez, you know I’m from Texas and we all have a Cadillac with bull horns on it, oil wells in our backyards and high powered hunting rifles.  Some of us also carry around rope, but that’s for another post during Black History Month.  Don’t do it!

Look Ma!  I steal’d it at FashionIndie.com

-Z’maji, “I wish the horse could take a big steaming crap on her dress!”

Haute Tunez: My Bran Bran Nanna Nut Muffin Head Is Breakin’ My Heart

Brandy (B-Rocka) – Long Distance

 

My sweet love is strummin my pain with her new song and video so good I think I might actually start stalking her.  Don’t worry,  I don’t mean creepy stalking,  just the obsessive kind where she might walk into her hotel room and find me dressed up in all her clothes acting out scenes from Moesha.  *tee hee* That’s funni.  This is one of those cinematic masterpeices that few artists ever get the chance to participate in.  It was heaven to see my Bran Muffin all decked out in old Hollywood glamour.  Yea I think I’m gonna stalk her now,  she deserves someone to love her………….FOREVERRRRRR!

-Z’maji, “I’m just joking,  stop bein a loser and get a colonic.  Uptight much!?”