The HAUTES & the nautes: Golden Globes 09′

 

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I’ve been real excited about the 09′ award season but I see I would’ve gotten more thrill out of a syringe of premium grade butt fat on it’s way into some ancient socialite’s lips and slinky-like bosom sectionz.  Don’t get me wrong,  many of the women were dressed to the motha-mclovin-T but their wardrobe choices had all the flavor and refreshment of that urine beverage water the Kathie Lee sweat shop kids drink.  I’m surprised that the red carpet didn’t roll it self up and quit in the middle of the precession,  just pissed cuz it all sucked so much.  I just love how these chicks get on the red carpet and stand there like I owe them a box of crackers and a Valium for successfully putting on clothing.  No you’ll get your Scoobie snax and extracurricular pill fix when you show up in the proper goods,  now let’s start killing some stylists………………….FIRING,  I meant firing some stylists,  that’s what I meant.

Now that I’ve passed that dramatic turd,  The HAUTES & the nautes:

 

The HAUTES:

 

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‘Auf Wiedersehen’ indeed cuz it’s nothing but goodbye and ovahness when Heidi blessed the dead-carpet with a playful vintage cocktail dress by Galliano

 

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Drew looked sexy and fresh out the bed from award night love gettin’ in Dior by Galliano. 

 

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The cliched red dress was anything BUT on lil Eva(that’s her gangsta rap name) by Reem Acra. 

 

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Lady McJiggle’Yums looked ready for some good ol’ Texas hog-tyin’ and chitlin shuckin at the spring cotillion.   A thick & buttery vision in Elie Saab.

 

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“I’ll never let go” said Kate Winslet before she dunked Leo’s cold lifeless body, to save her own, after their ocean liner sort of capsized……….and she remembered she had this dress at home.   Thank God she’s selfish cuz she’s killin yawl in classic Yves St. Laurent. 

 

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Some really hot colored chick named Viola Davis,  with magnificent upper baby feedin’ setz and a whole lot of pretty teeth.

 

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JLo’s butt wore Marchesa and the rest of her for an accessory. 

 

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St. Angie of La Bradford in Versace.  Her only jewelry?  Her heart of gold and the glory of the lord.

 

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Susan Sarandon holding it down for the grannies with healthy libidos and high perky bosomz in Hugo Boss.

 

 

the nautes: 

Disclaimer:  The following may cause nausea and intense disappointment along with feelings of depression and a sense of injustice.

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Cam,  maybe you should “smoke” AFTER you’ve picked out your ensemble from now on boo!

 

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I personally think Rumer Willis is lovely buuuuuutttt……………….I will say however,  if you just put your thumb right over her head, this picture works itself out.  Ronald McDonald did not approve the sell of his hair color to the everyday peoplez.

 

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Glen Close is such a handsome woman,  I love her black Baptist Easter Sunday outfit.  I’m just waiting for her to “catch the Holy Ghost”.

 

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*stares blankly*

 

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“Arrrgggh!  And after the croc ate me hand,  he dressed me up in the dark with no bra so’s me teets could hang to me knees”

 

Questionable Mention:

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I don’t think this is as bad as people say it is.  It’s just the sleeves and the “my breath smells like low self-esteem and I can taste it” face are bad accessorization…………….is that a word?

2 responses to “The HAUTES & the nautes: Golden Globes 09′

  1. LMAO @ Glenn Close…she would fit right in with the women and Quinn AME in my mother’s little hometown!!! Hallelujerrrr!

    Rene Z’s pouty puss makes my crack itch! I want to scream…”HEFFA IF IT STINKS THAT BADLY – WASH IT”. Ugh!

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