Devil Done Got All Up In The Airbrush Kit!

Ooooo Aubrey,  Giiiiirrrl, You Such A Natural Beauty and Stuff……this can’t possibly be airbrushed! *WAMP-WAMP-WAAAANH*
Today in Never-Ever land,  somebody got airbrushed to the Motha McLovin T.  The cover says it’s Aubrey but this lump of undefined silicon anime, doin it’s best Jessica Rabbit bit, couldn’t possibly be my sweet little church girl.  I guess washing windshields at stop lights or goin to a temp agency to find a position of employment was out of the question.  How do you go from multi-platinum girl group to servin up monkey fixins and sexy cakes in Playwhore?  This is definitely not successful career planning  We here as FashionINDIE frown upon such shady dealins.
Whomever let the little boy play with the photo shop software over there at the magazine needs a good shrapnel facial and a chemical peel with boiled tranny urine………I’m sorry,  Extra Virgin Tranny Urine. 
She looks like a bedazzled albino turd.  It’s like RuPaul had too many of those microwaved pizza roll abominations and 2 hours later,  after he calmed down from thinking he was having menstrual cramps, realized it was just a gut bubble,  puckered and manured’ out God’s beloved that sits before you.  Look at my angel all rouged and ready for a Kodak.  DAMAGED indeed!  Well I hope she at least got a box of Krispy Kremes out of it.  I guess if it was a choice between suckin up to Diddly-Bops douchewater or playin Bingo with Hephner,  I’d choose dry humps at the retirement home too.  I love you so Aubrey……………, real talk, I really love you.
  – Z’maji, “When you play dominos with Satan Diddy,  this is what happens…………….THIS is what happens……”

17 responses to “Devil Done Got All Up In The Airbrush Kit!

  1. When did Playboy get so low rent? Man, there was a time when I used to buy Playboy for the articles ::looks at Z with defiance:: and there happened to have been pretty pictures. But damn(!), what the hell happened there. Did the kit explode? I blame so many people for that cover! That was the best photo, really? You know about this, Z –what’s the chain of command here? How did this travesty happen?

  2. Uh, how does it happen?……………well, see………….I mean, uh……………well when you take a……………….and then you put the lime in the coconut and…………..Stop askin me questions that challenge my intelligence and just pray, pray for the whole mess!

    – Moderator Z’maji
    High Priest of Man-Diva Ovahness

  3. hot holy hell.

    “this is beautiful, what is it velvet!!”

    psh! ya gone too far biggs, ya gone too far!! she looks like sally from the nightmare before christmas the way she is posing.


    and her mouth lookin all damn “i just came from the dentist and i can’t my bottom lip.” did they drug her ass up? that look on her face just says “durrrr…”

    and the airbrush? i cant even… have a good day sir.

  4. *cant FEEL my bottom lip

    duh bella. i cant type today, pardon me.

  5. @ BELLA – M’dear, I’ll excuse the typos, but only becuz you’re smokin hott and I believe in objectifying women to boost their self-esteem…………………….Oh God, I tried to say that last part in my head!

    – Moderator Z’maji
    High Priest of Man-Diva Ovahness

  6. well it works cuz that “smokin hott” remark brightened my day about 20 watts lol

  7. ^^YaaaaaaaaY, male chauvinism saved the day!

    – Moderator Z’maji
    High Priest of Man-Diva Ovahness

  8. Whomever this young woman makes the cover of Playboy and Bella doesn’t? Something is not right with the universe! No, sir, something is not right with the universe!
    Try and fix that, Bella, and I won’t even pretend to read the articles.

  9. Oh WIL, you’re such a subtle fella! You know you’re gonna read the articles, they’ve got great dinner party recipes in that smut rag!

    – Moderator Z’maji
    High Priest of Man-Diva Ovahness

  10. Not only that, but short stories from badass contemporary authors –well, at least they used to have. I don’t know anymore on account of the kiosk clerk yelling at me that it’s not a library. How cliché is that?!?

  11. That WHORE! I say you should be able to sample it before you buy. That’s just like when I go to the store and they’re all upset cuz I busted open bags of tater chips to see which one I like, c’mon, how else am I supposed to know I like it


    – Moderator Z’maji
    High Priest of Man-Diva Ovahness

  12. And then he has the nerve to say, “you stained it, you buy it!” I mean, wtf?!?

  13. Ewwww, WIL, you stained it?! Well did you at least respect it in the morning?

    – Moderator Z’maji
    High Priest of Man-Diva Ovahness

  14. Naw, I just dropped it and ran out of the kiosk as soon I was done, I knew the clerk wasn’t going to come near me for fear of getting caught in the crossfire. I’m clever like that.

  15. *comes in and cracks whip*

    now that i have your attention…

    i just wanted to say hi guys.



  16. @ WIL – did you at least wipe off the periodical William, did you at least do that for the sake of the poor soul that would use after you………..

    @ BELLA – M’love, here on the HauteBlog we don’t make those sort of jokes, we classy and stuff. After you pay all surcharges and processin’ fees then you may make dirty dominatrix references. Thank you for your co-operation whilst among the HauteBlog *CHEEZE*

    -Moderator Z’maji
    High Priest of Man-Diva Ovahness

  17. Whoowee, Bella, we were just talking about you! Nice things, too.
    Z, I can tell you tales about what people leave behind, but I won’t because Bella’s here and I’m a gentleman. *gleam*

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