Just so you know, I have CPS on speed dial and you’re 1 violation away from me using it douchecock!
Fashnophiles and Loving Parents the only thing worse than those horrible eye sores called Crocs is Dora The Explorer Crocs and the only thing worse than that is actually dressing your child up in those Whora The Explora Crocs, AAARRRGGHH! KILL NOW!
A chick brought her child into my shop to get her hair braided and lo and behold that little monkey had on Dora The ‘Freakin’ Explorer Crocs. There’s actually merchandise that bares her likeness which I’m exceedingly sure was constructed in the 3rd world by lil’ Paco or Ming Choo at a whopping 1cent a day salary, therefore pissing us off just that little bit extra. How do you know you could be out parented by a poo slingin’ chimp? 1) Your daughter’s on the pole 2) Your daughter’s creepin like TLC 3) Your child owns a pair of Dora The Explorer Crocs…………clearly you’ve failed!
It was all I could do not to douse the child in holy water and curse the prince of darkness for the pure and unholy, cockeye-ded foolishness’es that was set before my eyes. I could just see the blood and sweat of underpaid sweat shop laborers glistening off the logo while that Explora The Whora smiled back at me. I don’t know why I hate that little box headed trollop but I know that a forray into fashion is sure to get the offices of Nickelodeon a medley of hate mail and unmarked, ticking packages. Stop It! Stop It Now! OVAH HA!
Lay off the snacky cakes and lil debras, Fatty