Monthly Archives: April 2009

Tyra Stalkin Is The New Spectator Sport, Like Huntin Elephanticalz!

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Did you’se reprobates know that Tyra had a stalker?  I know right!  Look at poor TyTy baby leavin the courthouse and she’s still modeling with her eyes,  good girl!  When I read about this, I had to sniff my coffee to make sure the Starbucks girl hadn’t put a little chuggin gin in my latte again.  At 1st I thought it would be some finger snappin, lip glossed crossdresser,  in run over Payless clogs and a $1 store wig that wanted to replace her as the fiercest piece in daytime but to my suprise it’s an honest to goodness stalker.  I thought stalking went out with shoulder pads and jellies?!  You know she’s gonna turn this crap into a 3 part “very special” Tyra show and there’s gonna be some tranny givin out tips on self defense and how to create an authentic looking cameltoe,  such an ordeal!  Who stalks anymore?  I mean there was that one time when I made that movie with Grace Jones on my video phone while she was asleep but that’s different b’cuz I love her like soooo much………….no really,  it’s totally different.  Hiding in bushes,  lurking outside windows,  creating authentic looking counterfeit credentials and badges to gain access to wherever they are……………I mean,  that’s just what I heard they do, besides, that’s just too much work and I can’t be missin Oprah…………oops, I mean Tyra…………..

These Computer Issues Let Me Know The Devil Is Still Workin

I’m so sorry,  I’ve been a WHORE-ible blog moderator.  No new material or nothin but my computer is on itz rag and it ain’t good for nothing no more so till I fix it I have to use the computer at the library.  They only let you use it for 2 hours so there’s so much other crap I have to do daily online that I haven’t had much time to blog.  My computer at home just stares at me now but I want you to know that using the computer at the library is just as bad as it sounds.  I liken it to getting hit in the face with a freight train………….it’s just not a good experience.  I forgot that library’s smell like menopause and low life expectations.  Calgon take me away to the apple computer store for a new laptop!   Donations anyone?!

Miley Showin That Teeny Puddin….

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 Since the new Hannah Montana movie made $34 million at the box office, it’s safe to say that her fan base of sugar high, musty young girls and horny, greasy palmed, lurkin’n’lonely old men couldn’t have given a hot colonic about the tragedy she unleashed at the actual premiere.  There’s a stylist somewhere that deserves a glass of hot piss to the face for makig a lovely girl look like Penthouse ‘Hoe Dealin Of The Month’.  Now no one told me Hannah Montana was going into porn!  I mean, is this a showing for a Disney film or did we make a wrong turn and end up at a Jenna Jameson 4 hour featurette.  I bet that dress comes with secret pocket filled with complimentary birth control snackin pills and flavored sugar free sexin rubbers.  I mean it’s a Missoni, so I guess I should like it but for some reason I have the strong urge to tear up my mama’s house robe and make an attempt at couture,  I mean a hoe rag……………and……………….and are those…………………are those Payless shoes?!?!  Oh, the WHOREmanity!  Miley is too cute to be lookin like someones weekend tasty sang’which spread!  On the other hand,  lookin at her in that dress,  who knew she was holdin like that?

 Oh Miley m’dear,  please just don’t shave your head and attack yo baby daddy SUV with an umbrella-ella-ella-eh-eh-eh!

PETA Still Cock Blockin Like STD’s!

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I barely have any idea what fooseball is or whatever they call it,  but when PETA starts actin’ a malnourished, grass eatin fool,  I take notice!  Everyone knows what an idiot Michael Vick made of himself when he destroyed his career by getting caught up in a dog fighting ring.  However, did you know that those flyin whore monkeys over at PETA wrote every single major league football team, petitioning them not to sign him when he was released from jail?  If that ain’t the cock block to end ’em all and spoil a wet dream!  I mean it’s one thing to douse a fur wearer with pigs blood, that’s just clean, wholesome fun but it’s another thing to diddle with a brotha’s paycheck?  Brokeness(not an actual word) has never been fashionable. 

 
Now I know in the past that I’ve expressed hate for PETA and the possibility of dousing them in used cooking oil from KFC and settin’ them on fire for a 4th of July light show that would kill *pun* but c’mon!  They’re so full of it,  they’d take out a family of 6 in a mini-van to save a rabid stray crossing the freeway, clutching a new born in it’s mouth.  Those sphincter pirating slut bags!  Look, I don’t like the whole dog fighting thing either and I believe he should’ve gone to jail too but he’s paid his debt to society so you people need to chill out and go eat a steak or somethin.  I’m gonna line your veggie burgers with meat from an endangered species you’se whorez!

So Much Foolishnessez, So Little Timez!

WoW!  I’m sorry my Good Judys,  I know I’ve neglected you like unwanted broken condom babies but I’ve been real busy.  I’ve been neglecting you all like a dead beat dad,  the only thing missing is some nice cigarette burns.  I really do apologize but my apartment complex and the utility companies are forcing me to actually work so I can pay for unimportant crap like indoor plumbing and a place to live,  those money lustin whore monkeyz, ARRRGGH!  Whatever the case,  I’ve returned plucked, spackled, waxed and polished,  lookin more beautiful than evah!  I hope you children are still with me,  Glam’ah!  Check out the new, dreadlock free me.  Enjoy my face………..

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Don’t I look like a little boy now?  A cute little boy with mischief on his mind………..