Monthly Archives: October 2009

HauteBlogNewz: You’re Fired Porkee!

fired

“Sweetie, we don’t use plus size girls here at Ralph Lauren, SECURITY!  Escort her from the premises and make sure she doesn’t go by the Kraft services table, you know how fat girls always try to steal all the good ol’ fatnin Big Debra snacks”

The brainless wonders at Ralph Lauren fired a 120lb model named Filippa Hamilton allegedly b’cuz they say she’s a big ol’ girl.  I personally think she looks like she’s one finger down the throat away from her stomach eatin itself and havin her kidneys for desert but hey what do I know, I’m just Man-Diva Supreme Ovahness. Of coure the pic above was airbrushed to make her look more dead skinnier than she really is.  This is not REAL news b’cuz we know that the fashion industry frowns upon bodies that look like they’ve been fed.  The decades long explanation is that the model should be a hanger only and that the garment should be the only thing seen.  Funny how they don’t mind accessorizing the clothes with rib cage and bugged out eyes tho.  Don’t cry Oh fashion kunts, when will they ever learn?

McQueen’s Atlants Space Oddessy, Avant Garde To Peel Back Yo Face

 McQueen Spring 2010

 

Anyone with even the brain of a lipstick knows that I lovez me some Alexander McQueen b’cuz that lil ol’ thang freakin rocks!  Personally, I think either he’z an “Xtraterrestrial” come to Earth to really screw with us or he’z knockin back that illegal snackage.  It is so rare to actually see a fashion show now-a-dayz that has an original point of view.  The shapes in this show alone will melt the botox right outta your crows feet but the watercolor like prints on the fabric will snatch your lace front into new dimensions of tomfoolery.  It’s refreshin to see clothes that you won’t find knock offs of at the swap meet, the devil be damned!

Peep this awesome insider review from ‘Style’

Also, the full show on YouTube: Part 1 of 4

Red Carpet: Law Abiding Citizen

 

LawAbidingGerardButler

Gerard Butler lookin dapper dandy in charcoal gray tailored manliness with a touch of iridescence to appease that inner kunt.

 

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Regina Hall in a mini party shift with sequined scallop detail.  Lustrous layered lengths noted, flip it!

 

LawAbidingSanaaLathan

Sanaa Lathan dazzles in steely gray and silver strapy spike sandals complemented by buttery thighs of thunda.  Accessory game proper, topped with flawless hair in high chignon.

 

LawAbidingViolaDavis

Oscar nominee (KNOW THIS, take a nap Haterz) Viola Davis’ athletic body draped in pleated fuchsia pink cocktail dress and gold criss-cross peep toes.  Razor’d and feathered boy cut with heavy bangs noted, Respect!

 

I woulda put Jamie Foxx but he looked like this:

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For a man that knows how to dress, I was thoroughly through after seeing this.  7 demeritz and 2 punches in the larynx for leavin your glam’ah at home.  Wretched…Indeed!

Eliza Fresh From Vampire Slayin

elishadushku

Sugarz to Eliza Dushku, servin you’z reprobatez choice cutz of d’lushusniss on her way to the set of David Letterman in a beige long sleeve tube dress with black & gold embellishment and accessoriez. Peep the lace glove and natural rosy lip color stain.  Protect your cakez and goodz, if ol’ Daves jumpin the bones of staff, just imagine what naughty tomfoolereez he’ll have for the guests (I love David Letterman 4really and truly).  Even tho she’s tryin to promote a new show and move on with her life, we won’t ever let her forget that she was and still is “Faith“, the hot piece of crazy that was givin Sarah Michelle the bidniss on Buffy.

Wash’N’Wear Whitney Is Back!

I Look To You(Live)  –  Whitney Houston

 

Today, on a very special Haute Tunez,  Whitney Houston takes us into the holy of holiez of soap opera dramaticz with a performance of ‘I Look To You’.  I would’ve posted the actual video but seeing that it exquisitely sucked and made me crack the computer screen with my forehead,  I decided I didn’t want to be the cause of anyone gougin out their eyes from boredom and disappointment.  Whitney cracks (no pun intended……ok, maybe a little *evil grin*) a little here and there but overall it’s great to see the Queen of Adult Contemporary R&B back on her throne tossin that $500 wash’n’wear weave, Luxureez.

The Glam’ah of God Is Havin Itz Way With The BoobTube

styl'dcast 

 Click the pic 4 the vid cuz ‘WordPress’ is a Debbie Downer and won’t let me post it.

 

WARNING: 

THIS TRAILER MAY CAUSE EXTREME OVAHNESS AND HAIR FLIPPERY.

DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY INTO THE DRAMA.

 

Everytime I open my beautiful brown peeperz a new fashion show pops up in TVland.  Fabric and accessories, condescending douchecack hosts and fab tailor-suited den mothers, gaggles of gays and bitter ballsy chicks, fashion is truly havin itz day, Anny Wintour be praised!  The evil eye’d broadcasters at MTV have bless’d you chil’renz with StyL’D, a dramatic, pearl clutchin soap opera of a reality show about wannabe stylists clawing at each others throats competing for a position at the end all and be all MMA.  It’s headed off by queen kunt Jennifer Rade, who happens to style Angelina Jolie when she descends down from her heavenly throne of juicy lip’d good will, now the soccer mom’s will haz somethin to chat about over laundry and comparing saddle bags & cellulitus, wahn-da-fuhl!

Solange: Fuzzy, Sassy and Saaaxy! (HoneyMag Shoot)

 

 

When Solange cut her hair, shock waves of feverish kunty disapproval spread across these innanetz faster than the clap during Spring Break and every lip glossed kunt’s taint twisted into knots of hateration.  In spite of the backlash of opinions nobody asked for, Solange didn’t care, doesn’t care and it’ll be a balmy, spring day in Hell(wal-mart) b4 she does.  Check her recent interview and shoot with HoneyMag where she informs us all to back up and let her scalp folicles breath.  We live in a time where when a famous person makes a decision for their own life, we all weigh in as if we pay their bills or are related to them or know what they look like with no pannies on.  It’s fine to have your own opinion but get your head outta your colon and realize that if you disagree with someones choice, THEN DON’T MAKE THAT SAME CHOICE.  I must admit I was a little shocked, as I dreamed of one day runnin my fingers through that $5000 hindu deep wave and gettin my fingers caught in the hand made track but after I cried away dreams of precious moments with Solo, I was excited about her daring new look.  She’ll always be worthy of a good ol’ knife wieldin stalk to me!

If’n you likez Solange like me, join me as her Twitter friend: SolangeKnowles