RedCarpet: 2009 CMA’s

Yeeeeee-Dawwwgggy!  Well slap my cakez and stirrup my heffah hoez, who knew that country folks wore anything but Yee Haw jean overalls and the crisp, raunchy fragrance of horse droppinz? Wretched!  Well I didn’t know…….really I didn’t.  Honestly, the most amazin thing is that everybody had all their teef and no one was chewin on a piece of straw.  Of course, that’s false advertisin.  I mean,  I don’t even think there was anybody there that could say that their girlfriend was also their sister, what kinda knock off hoe down is that?  I just love that glittery backwoods chic of the CMA’s in all it’s bold, blonde, wide toothed bustiness and itz sparkling cloud of toxic hairspray.  I say a health lung tissue is a small sacrifice to make for Country music’s biggest night!  Mmm, smells like cow chips!

*takes a puff from oxygen tank*


This is Rebe McEntire………and this is her fine middle age’d body draped in a low cut sequined gown, jealous much?


Kellie Pickler lookin real right in a copper lame onesie, not sure about that hair, Do Ovah Pleeze!


Best Dressed of the night, Sugarland!  Tailored suit and Tier-Trained gown game propah!  Jennifer… YOOOU doah? 



The Power House Underwood in all her pageantee glory!  Miss Nashville better watch her spray tan’d bikini stubble!



Kanye victim Taylor Swift in a chiffon sequined prom dress.


Country’s hottest couple, The McGraws, lookin real sexy for Jesus


LeAnn decked in all white AND a white gown *rimshot*.  Get it? NO?…….Get OUT!


Nicole and Keith and her bosom, all choked up – screaming for air and retribution


Uh Oh, Man-Diva Ovahness Alert! Someones lookin Fabuluuusssss Danny Gokeeeeyyy


Chuck Wicks givin you face in a casket sharp, two piece.  Somebody put a mirror under his nose to see if he’s still breathin…….


5 responses to “RedCarpet: 2009 CMA’s

  1. I had no idea that Keith Urban was so short! And why does the hair always look like it’s unwashed, is that how you kids are wearing it these days?
    Pickler *snort* is too young for that dress, as pretty as it is; but, hey, at least I’m not hearing her talk, right?
    I felt like I should’ve lost my focus on Underwood’s dress to see if there was a hidden image somewhere in there.
    You know, I speak Español and I actually didn’t make the connection that “mascara” means “mask.” Well, LeAnne certainly hit that point home for me. Won’t happen again.
    And I’ve got nothing bad to say about Reba. She’s had my heart ever since Tremors. Have you ever seen that flick, Z?

  2. *sniff* I thought for sure you’d like my comments.

  3. I’m soooooorrreeeeyyy, i just read them and I think I’m gonna have to ban you becuz ain’t nobody gon be on my blog bein more witty than me *grrrrrrr*

    I really thought you’d comment about LeAnn’s cold lifeless zombie skin facimile………u know she reck homes right?

    – Z’maji Glamouratti

  4. Actually, Z’maji, I was showing off what I’ve learned from your site. A homage to the author of this joint, if you will.

    FYI, Rhimes did a right decent version of Purple Rain. She still sounds like a country singer, but it was still decent. You can tell that she felt it, and was not at all intimated by the fact that it was done by Prince.
    Also Dolly Parton doing Peace Train, with a South African (I think) choir.

  5. Oh WIL *sniffle*, you’ve grown so!

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