Category Archives: …..A MESS!!!

ARRGH, Blast That GlitterPuss Adam Lambert!

[photo courtesy: gossiprex]
 
What in the iridescent hoe mongerin baby thighed hail is happenin in L.A.?  I’m sorry Ms. Lady but I believe you made a wrong turn, Mad Max and The Thunderdome are back the other way to the right, next to the Gap, proceed there and kill yourself post haste!  I have no idea who in hell left the gate open and let the kunts escape but we need security to the service desk immediately to rectum’fy this situation.
 
This of course is the evil workinz of darkness by one Adam Lambert for the shooting of his 1st Vida “For Your Entertainment”.  I was, however, under the influence that he was shooting a music video and not a gay porn period piece?  I also didn’t know that cock socks, uh, I mean loin cloths were in this season?  I don’t know whether to be pissed at the audacity or thank him for at least coverin his man-junk, malnourished as I’m sure it is.  I want it to be known that if I happen past you on the street and you are re-creating this look, I will promptly destroy you in the face and use your dead corpse to transport illegal knock-offs to needy 3rd world countries. Don’t tempt me childrenz…………
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The Reasonz ‘Givin Face’ Should Be Taught In School

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Kidz, did you know that every time a photographer takes a bad picture the Lord Gaude of Glory kills a paparazzi?  So in light of the perm free Katt Williams’ mug shot(WHICH HE WAS INNOCENT) and Sammy Sosa’s exposed skinless facial membrane, lets pour out a little oil based liquid foundation for our fallen media leeches.  I hope when you saw these pictures they didn’t cause your vision to call in to work with a bleedin case of H1N1.  1st and foremostedlyz,  I don’t understand why they can’t provide a licensed esthetician with Wal-Mart brand face towlettes for celebs when they go to jail, this picture is screamin for Moist’cha!  Wipe Me Down! 

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Poor Sammy however is sufferin from the nip tuckin, cosmetically ambitious spirit of Michael Jackson.  Face look smooth like Gary Coleman or raw, uncooked chicken tiddy cutletz.  Don’t worry Samz, I’ll just rebuke it and reverse the spell, “MaMa-Say-MaMa-Sah-MuhMa-Koo-Sah,  MaMa-Say-MaMa-Sah-MuhMa-Koo-Sah”.

Halloween In Retrospect: The Day Satan Makes Poo-Fudge’z On Fashion

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If this Kate Gosselin wig ain’t enough to scare you into holiness and righteousness, there’s a dangerous chance you’re gonna need some supernatural SPF for your permanent tour of duty in hell.  Over the weekend while you were doin the breaststroke in a puddle of your own sick, the celebrities were dressed in party store trash, doin the cock-eye’ded-fool for Hallee’weenz.  The Devil’s still workin yawl and that girl is PMS’in on a MOOOOONSTROUS rag cuz this blasphemy upon Fashiondom, I’m sure, has even the Lord Christ of Glamour clutchin his pearls of divinity……he got them at Jareds!  I must say a few of the peoplez did put out a lil saaaaxy(Nic and Mariah), but some of these poor unfortunate souls are clearly a part of a dark and sinister plan to bring about the Apocalypse and the resurrection of polyester blends, how flammable.  Where is Anna Wintour’s bob of wonder to save the day when we need and serve justice silly down on these gyrls?!  Gird your meatz and proceed with caution:

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Designer Michael Kors in vintage hippie and Kim Zolciaks plastic wiglet gerbal hat.

 

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Martha Stewart as a furry, upper intestine turd and one of her gays as the Scotsman the turd dropped out of.

 

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Say one word about The Divine Miss M and I’ll destroy yo life and hull out the cavities of your corpse to smuggle designer goods into unfashionable countries!

 

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Celebrity schmoozer Steven Cocojaru,  his many rows of teef’ and what’s left of his right mind. (Strike 1, hairy arms with chiffon – death threat to follow)

 

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Nic and Mariah burnin with the saaaxy glow of holy married relations and financial stability.

 

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Between the blazin orange hair and the silver stretch body suit, I don’t know if Letoya Jackson’s supposed to be an attention whorin, fire crotch or a bedazzled, disco camel toe.

 

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Wendy Williams silicon meatz came as Dolly Parton and wore her as an accessory.

A,B,C or D: Robert “Vanilla Ice” Van Winkle

This mugshot of Vanilla Ice in 2001after being arrested for domestic abuse for snatching a plug of hair from his wife’s head makes him look like………

A) a cowardly HAS BEEN meth faced wife beater.

B) he stole a lace front from Beyonce’s wig crypt.  

C) a 911 case for the tanning salon. 

D) a good reason to have a makeup artist on hand when taking mugshotz.

 

Mugshot from recent domestic abuse altercation…….he ain’t learned:

…A MESS!!! – Oprah’s Gone Blind

Somebody at the Oprah show needs to be terminated and I don’t mean ‘lose their job’, I mean ‘homicided’ by Arnold’s alter ego The Terminator.  This horrid two peice that consists of a turtleneck and sailor pants, of a modal and spandex blend by Rachel Pally somehow found its way onto Oprah’s lust-worthy Favorite Things list this year.  My gag reflex is in overdrive just writing about this, in a minute I’m going to have to induce vomiting just for relief.  I’m sure there will be quite a bit of re-gifting and Ebay postings for these.  Horrible Grandmother……….Horrible!!!

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 -Z’maji, “I hope Oprah doesn’t send her flying monkeys to kill me”

……..A MESS!!!: Lauryn’s mistake

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You know what?  I don’t care if Lauryn is crazy and she’s threatened to eat her young, her new psychotic style is so friggin ar’some.  I mean theres a lot going on, but come on we’ve seen this kinda heavy layering and especially those earrings in our fave editorials…………. so I guess you’re wondering why then I put her down as………….A MESS!?!?!?   Well, love or not, I gotta draw the line at viper queen drag make-up, we will not uphold such TOM-FOOLERY & BALLY-HOO……….we will not children……….we will not!!!