Category Archives: HAUTE Shotz & Photog Log

HAUTEBlog Newz: Conde Nast Got Some ‘Splainin To Do!

According to the grapevine *ahem, FashionINDIE*, Conde Nast don’t want no stinking Vogue Africa!

Glamour guru Mario Epanya had been pitching the ambitious idea to Conde via email along with these breathtaking samples he imagined but Conde said NO!  Conde?………..Condeeeh?……..c’mon Conde!

Well now, wait, we won’t jump to any extreme conclusions.  I’m sure Conde was just confused cuz there weren’t any monkeys or chimpanzee’s on the cover throwin poo or slangin bananas or nibblin fleas out of the next monkeys fur.  Maybe Conde Nast was confused as to why no one had a bone in their ear lobe or a disc in their lip.  Probably Conde Nast wondered why none of the models were suckin the meat out of a watermelon through a gap where African cootie bacteria malnourishmentz had eaten a hole through their purple gums.  I mean these covers imagined by glamour guru Mario Epanya, they’re preposterous. These beautiful and regal models look human, not a thumbless primate among them and that can’t be real actual uncartoon life.

On top of which, Vogue and Vogue Australia and Vogue India and Vogue UK and Vogue Japan and Vogue Nippon and Vogue Antarctica and Vogue Moon and Vogue Atlantis show plenty of black models.  Vogue Africa would just be frivolous.  Does anyone know the true reason?  I guess only Conde Nast and Conde Nasts stable of Aunt Je-mammies and Uncle Ben’s and gorilla human hybrids are the only ones that will ever know.  Next up, Vogue Eskimo *sips coffee*


Michelle Williams Is: Tenitra Fierce

 

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Yaaaaaaaaaahhsss Tenitra Michelle La’Destiny Fierce!  Live Judy, LIVE!

 

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CHUYCH!!!

  

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Easter Sun’dy Best, B Selection Soloist Game Propah!

 

If you don’t know, Tenitra is Michelle’s real live Gaude given negro spiritualized 1st name……I know, right!  I spazzed a gay old spazz and my face quite yesterday when I seent’ Destinys Child’s church hen meltin photo lenses with feverz and thangs of that nature.  I thought it was Sausage Fierce but when I didn’t see a leotard strip pulled up into exposed crotch petals I realized it was our little missionary Michelle, yawl know this lil ol’ thang is destroyin ya self-esteem right nah!  These snapz are from a recent photo shoot with photog guru Derek Blanks which I’m surprised looked this good after Derek’s encounter with the Artificial House Monkeys of Atlanta.  I’m surprised he survived cuz y’know harpies suck the life outta unsuspecting men to stay young so they can live to terrorize mankind for another 100 years.  Itz kinda like socialite harpies filling their face cracks with butt fat and foreskin pomeade, only more invasive like a hot grease colonic.  And at that last statement, I see I’ve gotten off subject into a really dark, desolate ugly place: Wal-Mart’s apparel section.  See Tenitra below and fling a lil love gift in the offerin plate b4 you leave:

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Editorials Iz HAUTE: Flashing Lights

 

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RWD is freaking Time Square with an editorial shoot by Jamie Nelson and styled by the unmistakable signature of Richard Shoyemi.  What a flashy and glam layout for a magazine with heavy hip-hop content.  It just goes to show,  you never know where you’ll find your fix.  So many genres are beginning to blend and compliment each other,  how promising.   I guess thugs enjoy gold lame and oversized BoHo bags just like every other red blooded American male.   

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-Z’maji,  “Now this is an editorial,  NOT permission to wear purple lipstick in public” *squint*

HAUTE Mama!: Jurnee Done Growed, LAWD She Done Growed!!!

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The beautiful toffee colored sensation that is Jurnee Smollett of Eve’s Bayou & Cosby fame is a grown woman……..I mean she pays bills and everything.  The December issue of Vanity Fair features the thespian work of art in its “The Vanities Girls” feature as a 50’s pinup girl a la Marilyn Monroe with billowing skirt and never-ending legs to match.  The Glamourista is currently promoting her return to film in the Oprah Winfrey produced and Denzel Washington directed, “The Great Debaters”.  God Bless Oprah Winfrey and the wedded relations that produced such a tasty treat.

 -Z’maji, “Thank God for wind machines”

     

HAUTE Shotz: Andrew Burmeister Is A Peeping Tom, God Bless Him

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V Man Magazine is featuring a really awesome portfolio of Andrew Burmeisters work of candid backstage photos at the 2008 spring/summer fashion shows. I’ve become someone who is intrigued by photographers and their point of view. It really is amazing how you go from looking at just a picture to recognizing different photographic artists personal style in picture taking.  The shots are beautiful to me because I’m facinated by random and real, actual life. Maybe it’s also because of the high regard in which we hold models. I hope you all can enjoy them too.

-Z’maji, “Always wash thoroughly when preparing to model underthangs”

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HAUTE Shotz: Photog Royalty Richard Prince, BOW DOWN I SAY!

   10m2.jpg                          Mrs. Brad Pitt ‘CommonLaw’ and her tasty phat soupcoolers are featured on “W” magazine’s November edition, which they’ve dubbed, “The Art Issue”.  It is 1 of 9 covers by the in-demand art photog Richard Prince.  He is currently the subject of an intriguing retrospective at the Guggenheim Museum, Oooooooooooooo!  The covers include other famous starlets that Mr. Prince has papparazzied such as a disheveled Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan in her former intoxicated glory, and angelic faced Katie Holmes-Cruise, before Tommy filled her full of precious Scientology aliens……how sweet.  Other interesting features are “Beyond Tomorrow” a piece on 5 up & coming international artists and an article on the impressive art collection of super designer Marc Jacobs.

 -Z’maji, “Scientology…..100% high-grade pork, NO fillers”

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HAUTE!!!: Alix Malka, photog extrodinaire

Alix Malka is one of the most refreshing photogs in the industry…….period……take it to the bank.  Now drool for GLITTERLUST.

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