Category Archives: HAUTEBlog Newz

HAUTEBlog Newz: Conde Nast Got Some ‘Splainin To Do!

According to the grapevine *ahem, FashionINDIE*, Conde Nast don’t want no stinking Vogue Africa!

Glamour guru Mario Epanya had been pitching the ambitious idea to Conde via email along with these breathtaking samples he imagined but Conde said NO!  Conde?………..Condeeeh?……..c’mon Conde!

Well now, wait, we won’t jump to any extreme conclusions.  I’m sure Conde was just confused cuz there weren’t any monkeys or chimpanzee’s on the cover throwin poo or slangin bananas or nibblin fleas out of the next monkeys fur.  Maybe Conde Nast was confused as to why no one had a bone in their ear lobe or a disc in their lip.  Probably Conde Nast wondered why none of the models were suckin the meat out of a watermelon through a gap where African cootie bacteria malnourishmentz had eaten a hole through their purple gums.  I mean these covers imagined by glamour guru Mario Epanya, they’re preposterous. These beautiful and regal models look human, not a thumbless primate among them and that can’t be real actual uncartoon life.

On top of which, Vogue and Vogue Australia and Vogue India and Vogue UK and Vogue Japan and Vogue Nippon and Vogue Antarctica and Vogue Moon and Vogue Atlantis show plenty of black models.  Vogue Africa would just be frivolous.  Does anyone know the true reason?  I guess only Conde Nast and Conde Nasts stable of Aunt Je-mammies and Uncle Ben’s and gorilla human hybrids are the only ones that will ever know.  Next up, Vogue Eskimo *sips coffee*


Ungaro To Lohan: “Girl You Ain’t Gotta Go Home But……..”

Glamouratti everywhere can relax and stop clenching their brown eye cuz it appears we’ve dodged the ugly train save for that one new member I pushed into itz path for the fun of it.  I thought I was gonna have to snatch out my earrings, lace up my tennis shoes and Vaseline my face down for a swift trip to Ungaro headquarters to injure me some interns and administrators.  Apparently, the fashion line has met with some resistance from retailers and fashion critics that are skeptical of Lohan as a contributor.  In other words, it’d be a cold, penicillin free day in the deep, itchy cavern of firecrotch b4 they would jump onboard.  If you want to end your company why don’t you just do like respectable peoples and hire thugs to burn it down so’s you can collect the insurance money and retire to Fiji with your employees pension funds, GAUDE!  Don’t get me wrong, I’m a fan of Mean Girls just like the next kunt but I don’t even trust Lindsey with her own life choices let alone anyone elses.  Thank the Lord of Pink Slippage and Unemployment that we dodged that trip to the free clinic!

HauteBlogNewz: You’re Fired Porkee!

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“Sweetie, we don’t use plus size girls here at Ralph Lauren, SECURITY!  Escort her from the premises and make sure she doesn’t go by the Kraft services table, you know how fat girls always try to steal all the good ol’ fatnin Big Debra snacks”

The brainless wonders at Ralph Lauren fired a 120lb model named Filippa Hamilton allegedly b’cuz they say she’s a big ol’ girl.  I personally think she looks like she’s one finger down the throat away from her stomach eatin itself and havin her kidneys for desert but hey what do I know, I’m just Man-Diva Supreme Ovahness. Of coure the pic above was airbrushed to make her look more dead skinnier than she really is.  This is not REAL news b’cuz we know that the fashion industry frowns upon bodies that look like they’ve been fed.  The decades long explanation is that the model should be a hanger only and that the garment should be the only thing seen.  Funny how they don’t mind accessorizing the clothes with rib cage and bugged out eyes tho.  Don’t cry Oh fashion kunts, when will they ever learn?

Die 2008! DIE! And Take Kanye West and Man Skirts With You!

 

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Well Fashionophiles,  we’ve come to the end of this gaping maw of a butthole we call 2008.  Being the selective douchecack that I am, I felt I needed to violate you one last time like R Kelly at a Girl Scouts sleepover before we cross over into 09′. This year has been bitter sweet hasn’t it my Fashionophiles?          

 

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PALIN CABINET

We got our 1st black president but we lost a hot, stacked soccer mom with power suits that made Hilary Clinton’s snicker doodle implode with jealousy.

 

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Britney brought sexy back but Amy CrackHouse started looking like something out of Thriller.

 

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Christian Siriano released magnificent product, taking his spot as a candidate for fashion’s future but this season’s Project Runway sucked man-berriez like eager back alley prostitwats.

 

Marc Jacobs

Fashion Indie’s Fashion Week Brooklyn was the toast of New York but Marc Jacobs continued to flash bystanders that malnourished little peen from under his crushed velvet man skirt………..NYPD did nothing, PIGS!

 

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Daniel Saynt and Rebecca Alexander of Fashion Indie joined in matrimony, filling the world with love and beauteously raunchy married relations but Spencer and Heidi threatened us with the possibility of producing offspring, filling the world with fear and horror, sending some into suicidal fits of madness.

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killed in Grace Jonesesque chic but made stinky poo glitter all over music.

 

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pushed the limits of urban fashion but pushed the limits of urban fashion…………..and yes he’s still ‘IGNANT’, his brain is still lodged betwixt his sphincter!

 

Anna Wintour

My fellow site Fashion Indie got more awesome-er but Annie Wintour is still in power devouring the souls of our young, all whilst enjoying high tea…………..and she still ain’t got rid of that tired and ovah bob!

And lastly but most importantly, I’ve never been more sexifull…………Put A Ring On It!

See ya on the other side my little Haute Ones!

  – Z’maji     aka: The High Priest of Man-Diva Ovahness!

HAUTE Newz: Anna Owns Your Wretched Soul!

Well, NY Daily News has named Anna Wintour #1 on it’s Fashion’s 50 most powerful list AS IF any of you were thinking it was Tyra Banks and her lace front wig.  I just think with all that power and strength she weilds,  couldn’t she threaten some stylist life to give her a new do?  I mean that bob is sooooo dead,  crows are starting to peck at it, now it’s got the rigormortis.  She also needs a personality coach for that cunty, crabcake disposition……….and some nourishment for them brittle bones.  How in the British Invasioned Hail did a crumpet poppin’,  tea sipper become the ruler in American fashiondom? 
 
There are more dictators and creative oppressive figures…………it’s like a to-do list for a fashion purist with a high powered assassins rifle and free time!
 
2) Patrick Robinson – Saviour of GAP
3) Marc Jacobs – WHY!?
4) Giselle – Of Fudgin’ Course
5) Mayor Bloomberg – Why isn’t he number one?
 
 
-Z’maji of HauteBlogXOXO 

Newz: Vogue ask is Fashion Racist…….DUH?! @*%$

                     

In the shadow of the monster that is “THE ALLLLL BLACK ISSUE OF ITALIAN VOGUE”, the current issue of Vogue(with Nicole Kidman on the cover) has a timely & relevant article on the race issue that is plaguing the fashion industry.  I wasn’t going to read it cuz I was sure there would be a lot of things in it dispelling the fact of the lack of color AND THERE WERE JUST SOOO MANY WORDS, but I took a minute to stop being a douchebag & forced myself to read it.  I must say that I was thorough pleased with the content.  It really took a hard hitting look at real problems in this field.  There were so many points and facts that were made that mirrored my own stance on the “white-out” in fashion.

                   

I really believe that, as the article states,  that it has been a tough past decade for models and that of course it’s REALLY tough for models of color.  I believe that now that the dialogue has been established,  what with legendary models of color Iman & Bethann Hardison holding forums,  I just know we’re in the market for a revolution in the industry.

 – Z’maji, “Colored girls gotta eat too!”

Article: http://www.style.com/vogue/feature/062008/page2.html

One of my favorite blogs has a lover’ly write up on the article: The Fashion Bomb

Haute Newz: Heatherette Got That Rigormortis

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* “Amazing Grace” plays in the background*
* Z’maji wipes away a solitary tear with an iridescent hanky and downs a 4th of Gin*
Well my beauteous Fashnophiles,  I heard it through the grapevine, and what sour grapes they are, that Heatherettes gone to that bedazzled resale shop in the sky.  I guess it’s not enough to put on really kool shows with sexy models in sparkly duds and jetset around the world doin body shots off ‘Manda Lepore,  It seems you actually have to move some product……..who knew?  Of all things to take out Traver Rains & Richie Rich, BANKRUPTCY!  I always thought it would be from a stampede at the tranny bar or bad Chai from Starbucks or a poisoned vile of glitter.
Well whatever the case they’ll be sorely missed becuz they were just a lot of fun.  I know that they didn’t really have anything you could actually wear and they never had a completely cohesive line and whatever they did make was always bedraggled with glitter but they were fun.  Good times……Good times.  I wonder what they’ll do now?  What if Traver became like a cashier at the local grocery, “price check on prune juice Bob, price check on prune juice”.  Oooo, and Richie’s gonna become a priest……..well, let’s not get carried away.
Seriously tho’, if no one else does, Z’maji will miss you fellas
– Z’maji, “Well fellas,  there’s always weilding a squeegee, washing windows on the intersection……….gotta pay the bills somehow”
Check out the recent Heatherette show from Fashion Week:
heatherette12.jpg  heatherette9.jpg  heatherette5.jpg   heatherette2.jpg        heatherette4.jpg        heatherette6.jpg    heatherette3.jpg  heatherette7.jpg  heatherette10.jpg  heatherette14.jpg  heatherette13.jpgheatherette8.jpg